What shall I post?

   I have about three or four unfinished posts. Which is frustrating seeing as I always feel better after a post. It's my mark on the timeline. Something to read again in the future, (and still find spelling mistakes) surprising myself on my understanding (or sometimes the lack of it) of the mental path I'm wandering along.
   Usually I pop my thought of the day down, then kind of expand on it. Find a picture that helps illustrate my rambling narrative and boom, job done
   Not so this time. I have these half finished draughts, just sitting there. None of them really me, at the moment. although saying that, there is a small element in each, of how I'm feeling.
   Future plans, letting go and frustration. All running through the wires between my ears but none occupying enough space to make a decent paragraph, let alone a post.
   However they do all tie together in one way or another, like spaghetti on a plate and as I'm now half a page in I may as well continue.
   The sale of the house as mentioned in a previous post, continues. I can do little to move it forward any faster than it wants to move, despite poking it with a sharp stick every now and then, which makes me feel like I'm important and involved with the process. A feeling I have to say though that passes quickly. Hence thoughts on future plans are somewhat premature at this stage and I don't want to upset the Gods of Fate.
   Letting go. Now that nearly did make it as a published post. I am ready to let several things go for good. Which I think will make a big difference to life but again seems premature. Given the precarious state of the whole house selling/buying process.
   You won't be surprised that a half post on frustration followed these. So now we are all up to speed. All on the same page, literally. Well frustration is a waste of time. Deal with it or put it to one side and wait for the first opportunity to. The same thing with letting go. The time has almost arrived when those pages can be ripped out, screwed up and tossed across space and into the bin.
   Plans however carry on regardless. Even if mine are on hold, those of others and Fates rumble on.Yet again God/fate/spirit guide (why are spirit guides always Red Indians? there's a post for the future me thinks) has put something in front of me to keep me on my toes.I've met a rather nice School Teacher. Around my age, although better preserved. Who shares a number of the same interests (good) and lots that aren't, well not yet anyway (really good) and lives only a few miles from the intended new house (really really good). I can at last say goodbye to long distant relationships (for the moment at least) find a dance class somewhere between us and learn to jive away into the night, with the lady who teaches key stage 4 kids to cook, sew and turn several bits of wood into a wonky stool. She's tall, slim and can drink a pint of beer before I tear the top off the bag of peanuts meant to accompany said drink. She's also making changes to her life as am I. She's not content to give in just yet and reach for slippers and cocoa.
   We're out again this weekend, which I'm looking forward to. She laughs at my jokes and thinks I'm rather a hunk. So there are reasonable grounds to doubt her sanity and eye sight but maybe that makes her perfect for me.
   I guess that's about it for now. I wonder how things mentioned here will have changed next time I take the time to look back on old posts. Life seems to be gathering pace once again !

Onwards and upwards in pursuit of fulfilment :-)))

Updates and cooking.......

   So in no particular order. The house sale is rumbling on. It's a weird feeling. Part of me is planning what to do with the house I've found. Part of me thinks it's all going to crash and burn. It's not helped by the fact that the first deal went pear shaped. So no news is nerve racking, the ping of an email arriving or the agents number flashing on my phone are just as nerve racking. Is it just feedback or bad news ?
   Pushing that to the back of my mind (if only I could) I left the house and went back to my temporary home, my flat mates were away for a few days, so I had the place to myself. I watched a couple of things recorded on TV while I was away. One of them being the very last episode of "The big C" about a 40 something wife and mother with cancer. I know, not a jolly subject but it's been done so well. Being the last, you can guess what happens. There's a little twist at the end  but it's all very sad. Unlike a totally nutty French film called "The Fairy" I won't go into what it's about, it will take a week of posts to explain.
   I spent an enjoyable afternoon chatting or rather typing to my friend Pixe. We talked about everything and anything for hours. I look forward to sharing a couple of hours with her soon.
   My neighbour gave me a huge bag of Apple's from their tree. So I made several Apple crumbles changing the recipe as I went. I think the one with a mix of stewed and sliced apples and sultanas was the best. It's also soup time too. The weather's turning cold and there's plenty of root vegetables in the markets. So broccoli and blue cheese is waiting for me on the hob for my tea. So all that's left to say is,

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfilment :-)
  

Open day.

   Thursday evening's potential buyer cancelled and so did our first appointment on Saturday. So I left the house feeling a bit down and hoped the agent would have better results once I'd gone.
   Actually I was a bit more than down. I was seriously cheesed off. The run up to Saturday's open day involved moving a ton of boxes we'd already packed from the conservatory to the garage and a whole lot of other "I can't be arsed to mention" tasks, to get the house looking good. This was completed while in the background Mrs ex complained and moaned. Both the girls went out Friday night. I asked them to be back at a reasonable time as they needed to be up early and ready to leave around 9 as the viewings started around 9:30/10:00. They rolled in at 2 and 3am respectively. Thank you for nothing. Mrs ex started Saturday as she'd left Friday. Complaining and moaning, moaning and complaining. She's a nice person, although you maybe wouldn't of thought so from my posts but she just sees life through very grey glasses. It really drags me down and I cannot wait till there are no ties left between us. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. I'm not perfect by any means but I did make an effort during our marriage but most times it was met with "I don't know why you're bothering."
   So, as the house would be full of potential buyers for the rest of the day. I took myself off to the National Gallery and a wander around Central London. You must be getting bored of my gallery filled weekends but my days being close to the centre of town are hopefully numbered. So I'm fitting in as many as possible in the time I have left. Hopefully if the owners of the house I've found will wait a bit longer, then my posts will be filled with endless drivel about what the tides have thrown up on to the beaches and pictures of passing ships. So be thankful. The National is a busy place. Too busy if you want to stand and admire the works of Monet or Van Gogh or any number of famous artists. It's more like a street market at times but then, it is a Saturday and it's free
   I couldn't shake the mood that had followed me out of the house and it continued to stay with me for the rest of the day. I got a message from the agent Sunday lunchtime, saying things had gone well and surprise surprise my mood lifted.
   I had to look at a job in NW London on Sunday. After that I passed a place called Hampstead Garden Suburb. It was the brain child of Henrietta and Samuel Barnett. Around 1910 they wanted to build homes for a community of mixed classes and incomes. Roads should be wide and tree lined and houses should be separated by hedges and not walls. The centre is marked by two huge churches and the Adult Education Institute (which is now a girls school) It is a strange oasis of quite and green. A peaceful place to wander around and enjoy a sunny Sunday afternoon.
   Later on Monday I got the news the Agents had several offers and we have a new buyer. Fingers crossed, this one goes the distance. The week has gone by fairly quietly since. I found this spoof todo list online and it made me laugh (No4 is my favourite) So I've pinned it here. To remind me not to get crabby be a little more relaxed and laugh a bit more.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfilment :-)       

Another day, another (potential) buyer....

   This evening we have someone viewing the house, so I'm busy moving all the boxes we've packed so the place looks more like a house and not a warehouse. As always something crops up to help put a bit of perspective on things. Last night on TV a solider who had lost his legs and an arm in Afganistan was busy building a house for himself and his new wife, a baby boy arrived just before the place was finished as well. So as much as I'm a little down with the house sale thing, I've not lost sight of the fact that we're lucky to have something to sell in the first place and haven't gone through some kind of helll to get there.
   The next step is to be someone looking out into the World and not looking inwards. Not that I do that now, as much as I have in the past but I have to admit. When things don't go right I sometimes slip into "why me" mode.
   I guess it's at times like this. When things aren't going to plan I can see how better I cope. How quicker I get out of a negative frame of mind. Oops there I go looking inward again. Post nearly complete. Breakfast finished and time to run no1 daughter to the station. Looks like it's going to be a good day here. I hope it's a good day where you are too.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfilment :-)))

What would Chris Gardner do now ...........

...... The house sale has collapsed. The buyers have pulled out. No reasons given. Our agent told me this morning that they weren't answering the agents calls or replying to the agents emails. So I emailed them and asked them nicely to let me know. They emailed the agents. Bit spineless, and a waste of twelve weeks of everyones time.
   The agents have put ithe house back on the market at £10,000 less. Couple that with a bill for all her wasted time from our solicitor and the very real prospect that the homes my ex and I have found may go back on the market and we lose them. Well it's not been a good day.
   The agents don't get paid unless we sell. So they've got the house back on the market. They have a booking for tomorrow evening and are arranging another open day for this coming Saturday. We'll need to unpack a few books, move the wall of boxes that has been building up in the conservatory and make sure the house is at it's best.
   I stayed pretty positive yesterday but didn't sleep much last night and woke up pretty dejected this morning. However I'm a much changed person than when I started this blog a couple of years ago. So there is no point in being dejected. CG wouldn't and he was the kick that got me moving in the first place.
   Happily Fulham won last night. I listened to the game online. they were pretty dreadful for the first half hour but got there game going and came from behind to snatch a victory which was a plus and it's a positive note to end todays post :-)

Onwards and upwards in pursuit of fulfilment :-)
   

Open House weekend.

   It was "Open House London" weekend. So to take my mind off, of the stalled sale of my house I went with Gallery Girl and looked around others. There was a huge list of places to visit. What's left of Battersea Power Station, a prison, 10 Downing Street (the official residence of the Prime Minister) and about 750 other places. We opted for a couple of local places, with gaps in between, just in case something interesting popped up. First call was Kelmscott House found on the Upper Mall facing the River Thames in Hammersmith. Gallery Girl and I parked the car up by the Chiswick Brewery (parking is free there on Saturdays and Sundays, just in case you're interested) We walked from the Brewery along Chiswick Mall. On one side you have some pretty large and impressive houses dating back to the early 1800's on the other, the river. Full of rowers and sailors enjoying the last of the dry weather and the beginnings of the autumn winds. Chiswick Mall turns into Upper Mall. Same interesting architecture but with the addition of a couple of nice pubs. Which we earmarked for later use. A bit further on and we find Kelmscott House or rather it's coach house next door, which was our first stop. The House was once the London Home of William Morris. Morris was part of the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood. A bunch  of bearded hounds who weren't that keen on the industrial revolution and wanted to return to a more man made and crafted existence. Open any home interiors magazine and you're sure to find a window or wall covered in WM's fabric or wallpaper. It's still available today. Due in part I guess, to the industrial revolutionn. Old hairy chops must be spinning in his grave. So back to the coach house. Morris used it's basement to set up a printing machine. Printing his poetry and translations of foreign books, mostly old medieval tales. The Brotherhood were seriously into all things medieval. Their paintings are full of red haired maidens and blokes wearing shiny suits of armour. But back to the house, there isn't much left from Morris's time but the volunteers who keep the place going were an interesting bunch and eager to share their knowledge of Will and his posse.
   As we left and were uuuming and aaaring about what to do next. We stumbled on a Quaker Meeting House. Also part of Open London thing. Now neither Gallery Girl or I knew much about Quakers. So in we went. We were shown around by Margaret, a Quaker from Pennsylvania. She told us a little of the history of the building. There original home was bombed in the war and this was temporary (70 years temporary ???) We were shown plans for their proposed new building plus a little about Quakerism. Which sounded interesting. So much so, I spent Sunday morning goggling all sorts of facts about the Quakers. Some of famous brands available on the high street were started by Quakers. Cadburys and Frys, Clark's Shoes, Bryant and Mays matches to name but a few.
   On our way back to the car we stopped at one of the earmarked pubs for a pint and a sandwich, crab for GG and bacon for me. I guess we were there for about an hour. Chatting about what we had seen and what we needed to look up. We walked back the same way. The houses were the same, we just noticed way more detail than before and the river looked and sounded a bit busier.
   Next on our list was JMW Turner' the artists little hide away house in Twickenham. Around 1810 Turner in his mid thirties and having made a mint from his paintings buys a couple of meadows in Twickenham. He designs and builds a little house in one, where he can get away from work, his mrs and their two kids and spend a bit of quite time fishing and going for the odd ride in his little buggy with his dad (The second meadow in case you wondered, was brought to keep the horse in). GG and I were in the last group of 15 given a guided tour around the house and garden. It's in a really bad state. They are just about to start renovating it, now they've found a bit of money. Odd to think that the house of one of this Country's greatest known artist is being saved by a small band of dedicated volunteers. Raising money and interest as they go along. Well done those people. I salute you.
   The end of the afternoon was spent with a bit of food shopping and a visit to a charity bookshop (two books purchased) and another visit to another pub. So I could watch Fulham lose to Chelsea on the big screen TV while GG worked her way through one of the charity buys.
   A happy day and a full day, where we learned lots and didn't spend much. Shame about Fulham losing though.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfilment :-))) 

No longer looking for happiness ........

...... because I've realised it's here and always has been but it's just not a very boastful or loud friend. It gets pushed to the back by my bullies sadness, stress and bad luck. Please feel free to add your own particular bullies here.
   It's rare to be constantly happy and that's where I think I've made a major error. Over the last three years of blogging there has always been many moments of happiness. So I've had no need to be in pursuit of it, it was there all the time. What I needed and need to do is, "keep doing it." Remember the feeling and keep working at replicating that feeling. Get better at being happy. The better I get the more I'll feel it.
   I wouldn't be able to play the violin by searching the web and reading about it, would I. I'd have to practice right?
   It's taken me a while to get to this. So my first reaction was "how dumb am I" but I know I'm not dumb. Where I probably went wrong was not asking myself the right or  the specific questions and once I'd locked on to those was keep asking until I had the answer. So the three years have been spent coming to the conclusion and understanding the fact that I don't always ask the right question. Now I've answered that I need to practice, get better at and just do it.
 
Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfilment :-)