Away on holiday.......

   So nothing from SC today. It's time to bore you with my holiday reminisces. I'm queuing with Mad Girl at gate C12 In the lounge at Las Palmas airport. Waiting for our flight home. There isn't a plane yet at C12 but us Brits like to queue and once queuing we like to worry.  The length of queue (will we get on?) The location of the queue (are we queuing in the right place?) and where we are in the queue (why are we at the back, middle or front?) Because we paid a little extra to reserve seats with a bit more legroom as I'm 6' 3". MG and myself are near the front, we are now "EasyJet speedy borders". It's like first class for poor people, you get boarded first. So no mad rush to stow your hand luggage 
   Our seats are by the emergency exits. So they have lots of legroom. Plus if we ditch in the Atlantic we'll be first out and then can choose seats in the life raft which have the best legroom too. Nothing like being comfortable in a difficult situation is there.

It's been a great ten days, so in no particular order, here are our highlights, .

 i)   I now own a comb (part of the hotels bathroom bag of goodies) alas I don't need it for my head, it hasn't suddenly re-sprouted, no, now I have a beard. The hotel has also very kindly laid on a bathroom full of mirrors. Where one can see every part of one's body from any and every conceivable angle. It raises the age old question, "Does my bum look big in this?" well in this bathroom yes it does. In jeans, or a towel, in fact it looks big all on it's own! There is also an illuminated magnified mirror. Which I guess is there for six feet tall Swedish models to help them locate and then examine their backsides if they feel the need "Ders may boom look big in dis?"
however I'm using the illuminated magnified mirror, to sculpt my "lost in the wilderness" beard. Hopefully into something distinguished. Armed with one of Mad Girl's disposable razors a mini bottle of shaving gel and my gift comb and careful shaving, I now resemble the villain from Buck Rogers, "Ming the Merciless", only I'm not wearing a robe. I'm in shorts and tee shirt with "Good boys go to Heaven. Bad boys go to Las Palmas" emblazoned across the front.

ii)  Unbeknownst to us, we have arrived on the island just as carnival starts. The girl in the tourist office, which was handily situated next to the huge Carnival stage, told us we were very very lucky, as today there are guided tours of the stage and behind the scenes. Very, very luckily it was also free. She pointed vaguely towards the corner of the huge stage and told us to go there. As instructed we vaguely wandered over to the vaguely corner of the stage. Over the next fifteen minutes others joined us and left us and came back. Although I speak no Spanish, Dutch or German I guessed the topic of conversation was,

"Did she mean here?" and "Baldy over there looks English, they know how to queue, so we must be in the right place." 

We were then picked up by Marta, "Is you for the tour guide of the stage, yes? Follow me."

She made quick work of the rest of the rabble and we were all nodded through security and on to the stage. I don't know about you but whenever I get near a stage or even a train platform for that matter. I have to fight hard to control the urge to fling my arms in the air and cry out, "Hellooooooo Wembley"

Then fall to my knees, whilst playing air guitar and swishing back my head and imaginary long greasy hair. I controlled myself whilst Marta professionally went through her tour guide patter in several languages. Not once did she fall to her knees and cry out," Elloooooo When bal leeeee" I know she really wanted to. The tour finished backstage on a little podium with all the sponsors names on a board behind us. it's where they film the winners and losers, you know the sort of thing, "I wood lie-ker to fank my pair-rents and fair-ends pour all dare help" followed by a smile and/or tears. I was dying to give my Oscar winning speech but again managed to control myself. We were invited to grab as much stuff from the dressing up box as we liked and she would take our pictures. Now why is that most men given the chance go for the blonde wig and grass skirt? I opted for the clown look partly due to the fact I have huge feet so I'm already halfway there. Anyway as I pulled on my curly red wig, Marta began collecting the various phones and cameras. I was tempted to hand her paper and pencil, just to test her professionalism but I'm on holiday and meant to be chilling out. In fact I've been ordered to be chilled by MG. So I just hand over my camera, set to "look I'm having fun" mode. 

   Marta then gave us the days and times of the various shows coming up. Sadly for some in our party (those in blond wigs and grass skirts) the drag queen final would be held in two weeks. By which time they would all be back home.

iii) The colours. I know it's because they have sun virtually year round. So by definition it's a bright place but the buildings, especially the older ones are painted in some great deep colours. The picture is a church wall in the centre of town.   

I haven't finished but we're all loaded on the plane. So more in a day or two. I've plenty of legroom, Kindle and iPod fully charged, so lots to read and listen to but I have two slight concerns, is our pilot super experienced and know the way. I may be a "speedy border" but I'm also a "scaredy passenger" and will the gas that's building in my stomach wait till we land before it decides its time to fight it's way out. As mainland Europe is a huge chunk of land and he would need to be a really really rubbish pilot to miss it.I can honestly say at this stage, the gas situation is more of a concern.

Onwards and upwards. In pursuit of fulfillment :))) 

Footnote. I don't own a tee shirt that says "Good boys go to heaven bad ones go to Las Palmas" but maybe I could get one ready for next year. I lost the gas battle but fortunately the bloke next to me was asleep so I just raised my eyebrows and nodded in his direction when people looked around to see where the terrible smell came from.

... Sit there

   We're up to chapter 18. Only another 92 to go. You know those times when you're sitting or lying there thinking I must get up and do this or that. Well this is the chapter for you. SC says stay there. Absolutely alone just you and silence. No TV, no radio. You and your thoughts. He points out that seldom are we truly alone and we need that time. To be alone with our dreams and thoughts, our plans and solutions. I have moments, quite a few of them where I do nothing or something to avoid what I should be doing or procrastinating about the whole thing. Never have I used it in the way SC talks about. His way is a positive use of nothing.
   You may wonder why I'm listing these chapters. Well firstly it's a great book put together with a lot of care and thought. Secondly it's a great way to remind myself over a period of time of all the clever ways to give myself a lift.
   In other news..... I'm off on holiday next week. Mad girl and I booked it last August. February is a bit of a quite time work wise for me and Mad girl knew she wouldn't use all her holiday entitlement. So we planned ahead. You can find somewhere with a little sun, not too crowded and reasonably priced around this time of year, I'm beginning to sound old and sensible, aren't I.  Well we're off to Gran Canaria. I went there a couple of years ago, to the south of the island. The south is a series of small purpose built resorts. Which is fine but with the unpredictability of the weather at this time of year. You can get flattened in the stampede, as everybody heads for the buses to find something to do when the sun doesn't shine. So this time we're staying in Las Palmas which is as north as you can get in Gran Canaria. It's a beautiful city. So lots to do and see if the Sun decides not to play ball, if on the other hand it does, our hotel is just two blocks from the beach.

 As is my way I left renewing my passport to the last minute. So made an appointment and took myself off to London for the one day service. Between the form checking and the issuing of my new passport I had four hours to kill. So went to the Tate and saw the "Late Turner" exhibition. Two things struck me. Firstly how cleverly the rooms had been set. The first was painted a very dark blue. The pictures were all lit and most had huge gold frames so you just got sucked in as you wandered around. Each room a different colour, plum. deep green and yellow. You went from darkness to light. A clever
way to add to the beauty of the pictures. Secondly, and truly impressive were Turners sketch books. Looking at the books makes you feel a little closer to the artist. Turner painted mostly in oils and these had to be ground and mixed as he needed them. So not portable. Instead he would go out and make sketches in tiny books. Sometimes adding a little water colour. Then back to his studio to create the full size pictures. The sketches were stunning, very small and detailed, some with a dash of blue for a sky and sepia for a building or collection of buildings, quick, simple and beautiful. Filled with the romance of it all, I brought a couple of small sketch pads and a kids water colour set.  I haven't drawn for a few years but with a holiday just about to start and full of inspiration it beats a cheap airport novel as company.
Ok I've taken up enough of your time. Thank you for reading. I do get a bit of a boost knowing you stopped by.

Onwards and upwards. In the pursuit of fulfillment :-))) 

Learn to play a role.

   I'm not going to summarize chapter 15 Learn to play a role. Just type down the first paragraph.
"Your future is not determined
by your personality. In fact, your personality is not even determined by your personality. There is no genetic code in you that determines who you will be. You are the thinker who determines who you will be. How you act is who you become." What more inspiration do you need?
   In other news... I've had a few, not so good days. Hiding away and doing next to nothing. Haven't had these or been there in awhile. There has been a slight differences this time. Normally I'd be thinking "OK I need to do this," or "I need to do that," or "I'll get up in a minute." It doesn't happen. This time I made a conscious effort not to plan or feel guilty about it. Just go with it until it passes. I don't keep an accurate diary of these occasional moments but I tend not to eat well and drink a little too much this time I ate properly and didn't drink. I slept a lot so that hasn't changed. It seemed to pass quicker than previously. Normally as I'd come away from this I'd resolve never to let it happen again. This time I'm thinking that there may be a better answer elsewhere.
   There are some things I do well. Why? that's what I'm trying to figure out. I/we do things well because we approach them in the right way. On the whole we find the things we do well, easy. So we don't put much thought into the processes and efforts we put in. There are things I do badly, like hiding and just like the things I do well, there is an approach and processes I go through to get there. The wrong processes. I'm warming to the idea that a better understanding of my right processes is the way forward and anytime spent going through the wrong ones is a waste. Understanding why things go wrong maybe the way forward for a lot of people. Indeed it could offer answers. It has for me but not solutions, so it's not the route to take.
   I wrote a long time ago about stoicism. I do believe I have that and that stoicism will carry me forward. Once I start to figure out the processes leading to good things, well the forward will be quicker. Lifes good at the moment.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfillment :-)))          

Chapter 16. "Choose the happy few"

   This is a tough one. We are where we are because of a number of factors. One being the people we choose to surround ourselves with. You want to change but that will unsettle those around you who don't. You charging ahead will only remind those around you of their unfulfilled desires. All is not lost though SC believes there are good people around us all and we should determine to spend more time with them and less with the cynics.
   In other news...... I listen to the radio a fair bit at work. Mainly talk stations. I like music but not the chatter that goes on in-between, sometimes there's more inane chatter than music. So I stick to talk radio, plays, interviews with interesting people or book readings. Work can be pretty mundane at times so something in the background that is interesting, challenging and/or educational makes the day scoot along. The BBC planned to play the whole of "War and Peace," ten hours long, split over ten episodes over Christmas. They also did a little biog on Tolstoy the author, to get you interested. He was born into the Russian nobility and during his early years lead a pretty decadent and racy life style. As he turned 30 he began to change. He began to empathise with people. People vastly different from himself and by all accounts he was pretty good at it. Now empathy is a word often used today and I thought it was something I do and do relatively well. However something totally unrelated made me think otherwise.
   I downloaded an app that streams podcasts and listened to one of those TedTalks. Verna Myers, talked about overcoming our biases. She said she was on a plane and when the pilot came on the tannoy. It was a woman's voice and Verna thought "Yah, you go girl." Then later into the flight, when the weather turned bad. She started to wonder if, maybe it might be better if a man was flying the thing. Verna, a woman whose job it was to go out and challenge people on their biases found out she still possessed the odd bias herself. I smiled and realised I too had plenty of bias left in me. So how could I truly empathise with someone else? Or for that matter how could I show self-empathy while I possess a healthy list of bias towards myself and others? something for me to ponder on.
   Now I don't want to get too bogged down on the self analysis matter and it's not the only item I've been thinking or reading about recently. A lot of my friends have been talking about their New Years resolutions and the eventual failure of most of these resolutions. There's also been lots of articles about why we fail and what we can do to lessen the chances of failure but that all takes time, planning and thought. So here's a list of late resolutions you can take up knowing you'll probably be 100% successful. It's a bit of a pick and mix bag so choose what you want.
1. Grow your hair, a beard, your nails. This doesn't have to be any particular style indeed early results will make you look wild and unkempt but tell people that's exactly what you were after.
2. Look your partner/friend/stranger in the eyes and do/say/think nothing until they say "your not listening to me are you?" then say the first thing that comes into you head like "yes I was."
3. Lie awake at night and think "I can't sleep" "why can't I sleep" "I don't feel tired now."
4. When you are watching a film or listening to a piece of music and you realise you've forgotten who the star or the singer is try and remember then mention it to others and while they try and remember really really try and remember cos you don't want them to remember the thing you couldn't remember in the first place. This can be a little difficult at first so here's a little tip. Don't mention what it is you're trying to remember until you remember it. Then pretend you can't remember and sit back while they strain with the remembering and just as they think they know tell them.
5. Things you're already good at. Add them to your list of resolutions. Having something you're already good at takes the pressure off slightly and brings with it huge feelings of smug well being. Particularly when telling anyone and everyone how many resolutions you've achieved.
   Final I went to Ikea this weekend, with "mad girl" a holiday isn't a holiday unless you drive for miles to the nearest Ikea then sit in a long queue to park your car and join another queue to get a trolley to put all the things you didn't expect to buy into. At the end of your visit and happy with all the unexpected goodies you have no room for, unless you throw out your previous Ikea purchases from the last holiday. You join a real snake of a queue to get to the checkouts which you cannot even see because of the multitude of people and trolleys in front of you. As you get close to said checkouts you start to notice a number of discarded items. A light, a clock, a plant, rug, or a cardboard box with a name like Narnos or Hurdal on the end. You start to wonder what is this, then realise it's the smart Ikea shopper, saving themselves the expense of buying it only to get rid of it later by getting rid of it now.
   Don't think I'm not a fan, I am. I love Ikea. I follow that zigzag path around the store with glee until I am completely lost and brain washed. I am at the point where I would give away everything I own including my children to breath fresh air and see my family and friends again. All the while I'm looking at things those clever blond Swedes have made for me, which I didn't know I needed and near the very end of this Scandinavian version of heroin they coming up with a brightly coloured storage container to put it all in. I tried to hold it together while "mad girl" filled the trolley like err a mad girl but succumbed and brought some storage jars for my none existent kitchen and the snazzy slippers pictured. I'm so pleased with my big slippers that I'm tempted to go back soon and see if there's a magic carpet to go with them.
OK enough for now.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfillment :-)))
       
    

Chapter 15 "Light your lazy dynamite."

   "A good way to ease yourself into that motivation is to act as if you were the laziest person on the planet (It wasn't such an act for me!)" So writes Steve Chandler. I think I could beat you to the Oscar for that roll SC, so writes me but back to Steve, "by accepting that you're going to do your task in a slow and lazy way, there is no anxiety or dread about getting it started......... The dynamite is living inside you. You don't have to be frenzied about setting it off. It lights just as well with a slow struck match." Just the right way to start your and my year, I think. No inner turmoil. Just slowly moving fowards.
   In other news ..... as I mentioned in my last post there were other things I wanted to mention with regard to my walk(s) along the beach. The halfway point on my usual walk is the Turner Contemporary Gallery and the stone pier protecting the bay. If I turn around and head back via the road and not the coast path I pass this building. It's the old "Fort Road Hotel." One of the few buildings in Margate that JMW Turner, artist and one time occasional resident of this parish, would recognize if he happened to wander ghosterly (yeah, I know that's not a word but it should be, shouldn't it) around his old stomping ground.
   Anyway a few years ago (four) it was decided by the local council in partnership with a boutique hotel chain and their architects to restore it back to a small hotel. It has wonderful views over the sands and some lucky guests would see the same ships at anchor in the morning, that I can see. Although they'll have room service and fluffy white towels and I'll have ummmmm just towels, fluffy, if I occasionally remember to shove them in the tumble dryer. There's nothing better than fluffy towels maybe central heating. I'll have to think about this and anyway I'm leading you astray. Great idea me thinks, save a building, create jobs. Create somewhere nice for visitors to stay while they visit our awarding winning art gallery. A soon to be reopened "Dreamland historic fun fair." the Winter Gardens concert hall, where the Beatles once played and other numerous  attractions too boring to mention here We have a lot of really naff hotels. Only one, "The Sands" that you could call luxury and "The Walpole Bay Hotel" which is unbelievably eccentric with a very big E. Recently however the Council has let it be known, that maybe they'll allow it to be knocked down and social housing built there instead. As mentioned in my last post we're a bit short on jobs here and those we have are poorly paid. So social housing is a must but not on such an historical site and not at the cost of a few important jobs and such an important building. A new hotel, however small, means jobs and there are plenty of sites in the town where social housing would be better sited, near schools and parks for instance. Is it madness on the Councils part or have they read my "and the next chapter is" post and are trying to nobble my up coming cunning plan to defeat their planning department.
   I hope they see sense and we get another hotel and some social housing. Both where they would truly benefit the town.
   OK I'm history ........

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfillment :-)))

Bounce your thoughts.

   "It's not that you can't, it's just that you haven't." Chapter 14 is such a clever, simple chapter. It turns a difficult thought into a simple one. Change isn't as difficult as you think. Why? well because you just don't try it enough. I remember trying to learning to drive and thinking "am I going to be the only person I know who can't drive a bloody car." Slowly but surely you can change.
   In other news. I'm back at home by the sea for the first time in over a week. I woke up around 7 and was off for a walk along the beach just before 8. There wasn't a soul around, the street full of the same cars that were here last night although now with a dusting of frost on them. Margate's a pretty depressed place in reality. When the sun shines and the beaches are full it masks the fact that there isn't much work. So it appears I'm the poster boy for industry and early starts here in my corner of town. There couldn't have been many applicants for the post, for me to have been the pick of the bunch or maybe they just held the interviews early when the street was still asleep?
   So, back to the beach. As I went through the gap I could see the ships at anchor in the near distance waiting their turn to unload further along the estuary at Tilbury or Sheerness. The sea was pretty calm and the sky clear. All the seaweed from a couple of months ago was gone, just a sandy beach and me. The child inside me isn't buried very deep so I'm always thinking I'm going to find some treasure washed up from a long forgotten wreck. today was no different from previous beach combing days. No finds, a couple of nice shells and various footprints disappearing into the distance. I added my footprints but not in a usual straight line oh no, more a mazzy staggered path. For no other reason, than the thought that someone would come along later and wonder what kind of drunken fool had been staggering along their beach. Did I mention the child in me?
   There were a couple of other things I saw during my meander but I've taken up enough of your time for now.

Onwards and upwards in search of fulfillment :-)    

And the next chapter is ....

Going to be in my next post. It's Christmas so I'll take a holiday. I got to cook lots over Christmas. I don't have a fully functioning kitchen yet. So being a guest where there was one, gave me a chance to try some things out. Most turned out OK but a trifle I made for a party hadn't really set and as we drove to said party it started to merge as we rounded each corner and stopped at each junction. No one asked what it was but It did get eaten. The picture isn't mine. Maybe next years will be. I entered Christmas with most things done and no regrets and I leave it with no plans to change things next year (see below). I also have no intentions of looking back over the year and making resolutions for the next one. Just keep moving.
       In other news .... I don't how I came across it but I found an interesting article about Churchill. It dealt with his depressions and how when depressed he had unrivaled clarity of thought. Paradoxically this clarity of thought when depressed was also entwined with grandiose notions of success and ambition. Interesting I thought and I immediately pushed aside the full scale model of Buckingham Palace I'm making from match sticks and glue and I've put on hold my menu plans for this evening. A three course meal for six guests using only two small aubergine and wild fruits gathered from the forest, cooked over an open fire in the garden. Ummmmmm I had a nagging thought, this article reminded me of someone but who? Someone close?  Me maybe?
   Trying to overcome the might of Kent County Councils planning department is a little akin to smashing the Nazi war machine and my ambitious plans for Maison Margate are probably on a par with Winston's plans to invade Europe. Joking aside this has been something of a revelation. Finding something that mirrors one's habits or behaviour is both reassuring and helpful. Now I don't presume to see any similarities between Churchill and myself except our joint love of red wine and the fact we both need to breath in to see our feet occasionally. Knowing there's a pattern is almost as good as knowing there's a solution. I will admit to having ambitious plans to carry me out of despair and gloom in the past. However reading that, made me decide there and then, that if I did not have the tools or wherewithal to do something then I won't make a plan. I would do what I could with what I have. The clarity would be useful though.

Onwards and upwards in pursuit of fulfillment :-)))