Monday, 26 July 2010

Day 104 the darkness is back.

Well not quite but I'm swinging from one black mood to the next. Feel totaly alone, totally fucked up and no idea how I'm going to deal with it all. Apart from that everything is rosey and lifes wonderful.
Onwards and upwards my phantom friends :-)

Thursday, 15 July 2010

Day 93 A day to reflect.

Do nothing and be lazy would be closer to the truth. Actually on call today but things have been very quite of late so I thought I'd do bugger all and start again tomorrow. Now I've typed it I'm feeling a pang of guilt so will get up and do something in a minute. Hope you're all well and enjoying your days wherever that may be. Onwards and upwards my phantom friends :-)

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

Days 87 to 92 Changes.

Well forgive me for the six day gap. There really haven't been many major changes since the last posting. It's all been slight and subtle. My overall mood has lifted and I'm feeling a little positive. I've manage to feed and cloth myself without too much trouble and have got out and about abit as well.
I'm not out of the woods yet and need to sort out my business double quick before that goes down the pan but I'm beginning to see daylight through the trees at last.
Onwards and upwards my phantom friends :-)

Thursday, 8 July 2010

Day 86 Moving out!

I moved out today from the home I've shared with my partner (of nearly 25 years) for the last 23 years. It's been coming for years. My moods have been getting steadily worse and this last bout has been the worst. Now whilst most of what drags me down is my fault a big chunk is theirs and the way I handle it. The blog has been so helpful in me understanding why I feel so bad and has pointed me in the right direction. My new temporary abode doesn't have any kind of Internet access so postings will be a bit sporadic over the coming weeks. Onwards and upwards my phantom friends :-)

Friday, 2 July 2010

Day 85, My Big Day Out!

Well I'm up, fed and ready to leave for work. Just need to add a few line here. So 85 days into my blog and today's the day when some really big changes take place. Things that I hope will help me to lead a happier more fulfilled life.
Work went well and I'm sorting things out for the big move. Connection to the web is going to be abit hit and miss over the next few days but please bear with me because I think the important stuff is just about to start.
Onwards and upwards my phantom friends :-)

Thursday, 1 July 2010

Day 84 Conflickting thoughts.

Whilst I'm starting to fill up with some self belief and confidence. There is this crust of insecurity which is threatening to spoil the party.
Because the answers to question sometimes aren't there I'm making them up on the scant evidence to hand and this is threatening to wreck everything. So I'm thinking problems exist when in fact they don't.I just need to concentrate on the things that I do know and can have an effect on.
I also need to find my sense of humour, which is buried down inside me somewhere. People like people who make them laugh. So I'm going to have to expose myself to as much comedy as I can find. Till I can discover the funny me from several years ago. The funny me was a happy fella as well. So I'm reaching for the remote and seeing what's there. Onwards and upwards my phantom friends :-)