Friday, 30 April 2010

Day 18

Today's the first day I almost missed typing something here. Well, everything went according to plan. Van finally passed it's MOT. Problem shower is in it's first stages of being cured, shame it's going to take the Bank Holiday Weekend to do it. I've felt pretty good today. Mood wise, very happy today. Question is, was my happiness due to getting things done or did getting things done make me happy?
O&P :-)

Thursday, 29 April 2010

Day 17

Well yesterday was up and down. Firstly the repair was fine but there was another problem so failed MOT. Which was a downer. got a bit of work out of the way quickly and efficiently so that was a lift. Surprised how much my moods are swinging one way then the other.
Still got out of bed early, did a bit of searching online for parts and here I am now completing today's entry.
Have got things to do today and if I can get hold of the spares maybe start on sorting out the van.

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Day 16

What a difference 24 hours makes. I was feeling very low yesterday but this morning there's more positive vibes flowing through me than negative ones. The reason? Well a friend emailed me several times yesterday which had a massive effect on my feelings. I really hadn't taken into account what a positive force a friend could be and the repair to the van seems to have worked after all. So that reduced the stress I was feeling there.
Right a fairly busy day today finishing with my second visit of the week to the gym.
O&U :-)

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Day 15

Things are getting tough again. Not helped by a couple of things going backwards. I've got a tiny leak somewhere, on a shower I fitted and it looks like the whole lot might have to come out and a repair to the van doesn't seem to have done the job.
I thought that once I started this blog things would move steadily upwards but that hasn't been the case. However writing things down has helped and will continue to help the further along I get with this. I know it's only fifteen days old but I haven't missed a day yet and repetition has a part to play in beating this.
O&U :-)

Monday, 26 April 2010

Day 14

Finally gave into a cold yesterday. So lots of sleep and generally laying about. Which unfortunately effected the way I felt (bit of guilt about not getting a couple of things done and feelings of loneliness and melancholy)
However I'm feeling better this morning and will get straight back into crossing things off my various lists and hopefully restore my mood.
O&U :-)

Saturday, 24 April 2010

Days 12&13

Right, I've decided to change the format slightly. instead of just listing how me and my day went, I'm going to lump the weekends into one and use them as a revue of the week.
I've had a problem this week with the way I compile my "to do" lists. Things are going on there that are not that important or that time consuming. Also I'm adding things that were not necessary list material just going on there to bulk it up. So now I have a rough list of things to do, which I put in to order, on the day. I now also have a side list, which contains things like who to phone, bill etc.
Last night I listed a few things I'd like to complete in May and tonight I'll do the same for next week. Although the lists are helping me deal with things on a daily basis and keeping the despair away I need to start looking further forward. It's the long term plans that will get me out of this and start producing successful results.
One big plus point as I look back over this blog is, there is little mention of my fragile feelings. I'm focusing on things I need to do (and obsessing slightly on my lists lol) which can only be a good thing.
As always O&U :-)

Friday, 23 April 2010

Day 11

OK lovely day again, first items are on the list and waiting for me to start. I've also ruled off a bit of space to allow me to put things down like, people to phone, bits to pick up etc.
So off we go and more later. Onwards and upwards :-)

Thursday, 22 April 2010

Day 10

OK, going to write out my to do list for today. Will start with first four or five items that need to be tackled asap. Then add and modify as the day rolls on. Let you know how things work out later. Onwards and upwards :-)
Well not a great day but pretty solid. Sorting the list first thing seems to be the way forward. I know I keep harping on about the list but for someone who will use any excuse to stop it's the way forward.
More tomorrow so lets all sleep well and surprise the World again tomorrow. :-)

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Day 9

Well today hasn't been that successful. I've not been able to get very far with my "to do" lists and I haven't got much else done today either.
That said if I step back I can see a pattern emerging. Firstly this latest "surfacing" from a depressive bout is I imagine much like the others. Feeling a bit better and making promises to myself not to let it happen again and lots of positive thoughts about the future. The only difference is there's a lot more written down this time and consequently I have tangible evidence that the practical side isn't keeping up with the theory.
So what to do? firstly don't pull the list together until first thing in the morning. Make notes and list things to do but wait till the "last minute" to prioritise. Another benefit of this would be I'll have to get up abit earlier to have a little peace and quiet to put the thing together. Once done there's nothing (several hours of sleep, for instance) between completing it and making a start on it.
So lets see what tomorrow brings. Onwards and upwards :-)

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Day 8

The end of my first blog week and what have I found out? Nothing startlingly new but I'm more able to quantify what I need to avoid and what has to be there each day for me to actually move onwards and upwards :-)

Now life up till this point hasn't been a total failure. I've got two good kids, most of my House is paid for and no one is chasing me for money. So I'm better off than 99% of the world population but I'm just going with the flow and through the motions. What if I actually took control of my life and stopped making excuses??????

So here begins week 2. Onwards and Upwards :-)

Monday, 19 April 2010


Well this will be short and sweet as time is flying by and I'm not getting much done for the effort being put in. I'm finding that I'm adding to my list, things I've done but we're not on the original list (bit like false accounting). So no more cheating, stick to the original list and if you don't finish it all then it can be added to another day. One other thing I've discovered today is, I don't like not being in control of what I'm doing. On Mondays I am "on call" for a large company covering most of NW and SW London. Some Mondays nothing happens, others you're all over the place. Details you're given are incomplete or wrong. You'll drive all the way into central London do the job drive all the way back then they'll call to ask if you're still there.

"No, I phoned you back and closed the job."

"Oh can you go back back we have another just round the corner from that."

That said, they pay you from the moment they call ,till the moment you get back. So why am I moaning? There, that's two more things I've discovered about me. "Short and sweet" will be anything but that and I'm a moaner. Onwards and upwards :-)

Sunday, 18 April 2010

Day 6

Well, I'm beginning to slip. Didn't fill out my "to do" list last night. It's 10:30 already, the sun's shining and I haven't done a thing yet (apart from sending a couple of emails). So this is it for the moment and I'll blog more later when I've got something to report........

Saturday, 17 April 2010

Day 5

The weekend is here and the sun's out. Meeting up with some old friends at lunch time and then on to watch Fulham (do you think the roots of my depression may lie there?). I also won £5.20 on the Euro Lottery last night, I might breeze through Harrods to spend my windfall.
The "to do" list is a little shorter today. It's mostly tying up a few things that didn't get done this week.
This evening I want to spend a bit of time moving some of the music on my ipod into a new category called "joy" or "happy" or something but it will be the stuff that brings back happy memories of my youth. Listening to the ska and reggae played by my neighbours in Brixton when I was about 10 and loads of soul from my teenage years. Then all the stuff I discovered as I went through my twenties and thirties and the music I ignored first time around. So they'll be some punk and 80's new wave.
Onwards and upwards :-)

Friday, 16 April 2010

Day 4

Worked a bit on my personal mission statement last night, it's a bit long and needs trimming down so will do a bit more tonight also a late visit to the gym meant I slept really well too. I've got an hour now, to squeeze in a couple of small jobs around the house before my first paying job of the day. I suppose keeping busy to fight your depression is much the same as having physio to get a broken leg working properly again. Trouble is whilst there is a strong desire to get your broken bones mended depression robs you of any positive thoughts. Anyway this blog is really about staying positive so lots to do and achieve today. Onwards and upwards people :-)

Thursday, 15 April 2010

Day 3

Not such an early start but a full "to do" list, so I should stay busy. Yesterdays list kept me going till just past seven. A few things on the list have been hanging around for a while now but were finished and there's a couple more like those on today's list as well. Also today a second visit for the week is planned to the gym. It's not something I look forward to but afterwards feel so much better for it.
Keeping busy hasn't aloud me to dwell in a nice warm pool of self pity. So in the short term I'm moving forward but I'll need to keep reading and trying different things out to see if I can find a more permanent fix.
I'm not sure if the Magnesium tabs are working on improving my mental well being. They certainly are having an effect on my more frequent visits to the loo though.
Anyway onwards and upwards everyone :-)

Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Day 2

I'm up relatively early to get my daily entry here done and off to work. Last night I did my "to do" list for today and once I've completed this that will be one item to cross off so the day starts well.
"To do" lists? Well many years ago when I was working for a company in Knightsbridge, they had a very nice lady who came in a couple of time to show us all the benefits of "to do" lists. How to prioritise the items on them how to update them as the day progressed and how to review them. Now you may think doing a list is a complete waste of time but believe me we all become very efficient junior managers strolling round with our lists, crossing items off and adding new ones as we went about our business. Over the years and as my jobs have change I've reverted back to lists but only in a very half hearted way until now.
During my web searching several sites suggest staying busy gives you less time to sink deeper into your depression. so I'm back on "to do" lists in a big way. Most of the ten items on my daily list are work related (it's where I spend most of my day) but there are a couple of things on there aimed at family and friends and most important a this early stage there should be something there for you. A little bit of your day will be spent doing something you enjoy and benefits you 100% and at the end of the day you can look back over your list see what you've achieved. Write out you next list and go to sleep knowing things have moved forward. Have a positive day :)

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Day 1..

So my blogging journey starts right here, at 12:22 pm on a bright sunny day. A good omen? well maybe but I'm hoping the typed content is what drives me forward and not the vagaries of the British weather (then I really would be in trouble). There's a growing list of links, to pages I've been to and have got something from. I'm already a week into taking a magnesium food supplement, a couple of days into list making and last night I wrote out a "personal mission statement". More about all of that in the coming days.
That's it for now (I need to get to grips with the blog layout and how things work). However the promise I'm making (to me), here and now is to type something everyday and to move forward everyday, albeit a hand full of letters and a few steps but forward none the less.