Friday, 25 January 2013

I'm feeling ok about not being ok :-)

   More of that later.At the weekend a friend and I strolled along the Portobello Road Market. For those of you unfamiliar with this particular market. It's a street market held on Saturdays. It sells a mixture of things, food, fashion and Antiques. for the rest of the week it's just a pretty ordinary general market. It's situated in  Notting Hill Gate, West London It's popular with tourists and locals and gets very busy but with the snow this weekend there were less people and more opportunity to see stuff. I like the clothes and the people watching but most of all it's the antiques and collectables I really like looking at. There was some interesting bits and pieces which fired the imagination, something that hasn't happened for a while. I need to get out more don't I  :-)

   OK back to todays title. First let me say. My being not ok, is more a case of getting over frustrations with relatively small things. Lets say something happens, I forget my keys for instance. They'll be no one home when I get back. No problem, I'll work a little later, pop into the pub on the way home and read a book and enjoy a pint. No big deal. So why then do I  spend the rest of the day chewing over this :-) and I shouldn't smile here. It just make me more mad. I mentioned this to my old mum and she said it would make her mad too and then went on and on about it for 20 minutes. I'm starting to think I don't suffer from the blues at all, it's just "inherited madness" that I have. However there is light at the end of the tunnel. I've come round to accepting I get mad at stupid stuff, or I get stupid mad at stuff.and now I'm learning to be OK with it and I'm hoping, accepting it is the beginning of dealing with it. There, said it, lets move on.
   On and off over the last year and very much in the last three months I have been very focused on me. My problems and feelings. Now is the time to get some balance. It's time to look outwards and be interested in others again. That's not to say I've been ignoring people but I have come to notice that there are times when I'm waiting for someone to finish so I can say something. That's not good. The bills aren't getting paid fast enough either. So I need to put the hours in and get paid for those jobs quicker. I've now got my daily list thing into a useful format for me, so that should help things along as well.

    Finally I miss MissG, she's crept into my thoughts a bit lately. The relationship wasn't going anywhere. It wasn't balanced so it's all for the best but I wanted to write it down today. So it's here when I look back over these posts.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfillment and happyness :-)

1 comment:

  1. Interesting that you brought up heredity. I have inherited some of my quirks, too.

    One of them is occasional loud outburst (in the car or in private at home)of just a few words, usually involving profanity. It's just me.

    I found out recently that it really upsets my daughter, she gets scared, she says.

    So yelling at some guy who pulls out in front of me, 'Hey Asshole, where did you learn to drive?' somehow makes her worried.

    I don't see myself changing it, though. I remember my dad doing the same thing (he still does) and my grandfather, too.
    Seems fitting since when I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, I see my father's face and mother's eyes looking at me.