I can almost taste freedom.

   We'll that's a tad over dramatic. Maybe there's a faint whiff of it in the air. Before I go on and  just for clarification, the following is my take on things. My side of the story. Of which there are always at least two sides.
   I having been staying back at my old house. Getting it ready to sell. It's been a frustrating time. Every time I put some paint on a wall, move something or tidy something. It's,, "why are you wasting time doing that." Followed a day later with, "that looks much better now" It's on the market and the agent has arranged an open day, this coming Saturday. There's still a ton todo but I think we'll get there.
   So in no particular order, I've realized or rediscovered the following:

   The garden layout planned and worked on all those years ago still looks good. It's not a big garden but the plan has worked well. My only twinge of disappointment is whether I have time to repeat the process. A couple of the trees are over twenty years old now. I'll be 75 if I repeat the process. I guess I can cheat a little by digging a hole and put my deckchair n it, everything will look taller from down there.
   I've cut a few corners with some of the work in the house in the past. Either through ignorance or lazyness and now it's cost me, having to put things right. Lesson learned.
   While straightening out the garage and loft I've uncovered things I brought years ago. I came across a little ink well and pen stand. I have a nice lamp and stationary box that will go with it. I'll need to find a desk for them to to all sit on and a house for the desk but that's just a minor detail isn't it !
    My ex has been pretty negative. Selling the house isn't what she really wants to do but she hasn't come up with any alternatives just smart arse comments. Whose only point is to twist the knife while she still can.
   Being back and being an "outsider" I can see it far more clearly, now, I'm not saying her way is the wrong way but the combination of our two different personalities had a very detrimental effect on mine over the years. No one's fault, things like this creep up on you over time. I've conceded and given up a fair bit to get this far and having to once again soak up this negativity is becoming a little trying but we're almost there. I just need to keep smiling we're almost there
   I don't cope with other people's negativity well, there's no room for it in my life this time round. Anything else, joy, pain, laughter or tears just not negativity. It's been said before but it's worth repeating, every hour of every day, "lifes too short".
   However we are almost, almost there.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfilment and happiness :-)

A new friend ......

   Well two if you count my Auction find of a few weeks ago but more about him later. The thing that's occupied me lately is, who cracks the whip when I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be. A close friend says I'm too hard on myself, for not having done this or that. Now I'm not talking about a cure for World hunger or conquering Everest. I talking about the mundane stuff. I will admit though my inner voice isn't helping. So I have a dilemma to resolve. Go kinder on myself and run the risk of forgiving myself for everything. Or continue to crack the whip, which truth be told, isn't actually working. 

   Now my current thinking is leaning towards finding some middle ground between the two. Yeah I know, I can hear the sound of you all, slapping your foreheads and going "wow". You can see now, if you hadn't guessed way back, why I'm not involved in finding an answer to World hunger. At the risk of sounding a complete nut job and while you're still rolling around the floor laughing. I've decided to give those little nagging voices, names. Trust me. I haven't flipped just yet but in order to get stuff done I need to recognize who's helping and who isn't. So lets call the negative thought the "critic". Seldom happy about anything and quick to offer a negative opinion when one isn't required. To counter this I need a positive voice. Not forgiving of all but one that doesn't point a finger either. Who lets the past stay in the past. Who walks beside me all the time. Who has a positive spin on everything and pokes a bit of fun at me occasionally to keep the mood light and darkness free.

   The biggest change for my ex, two daughters and myself. Since me moving out three years ago, is just around the corner. A chance to end what is, without doubt a very sad time with something positive. My parents and my ex's parents never missed an opportunity to have a pop at each other after their divorces. I'd really like us to come out of this knowing we treated each other fairly and with as much mutual respect as we can muster. So I've got to get my finger out and get stuff done as quickly as possible. My new imaginary friend is going to be busy :-).

                                 



   Back to the pictures. I found him at a local auction house a couple of months back He's about 18 inches long, dates back to the 1920's 30's and is made from plaster. It's obviously a copy of an original Bronze. I've always wanted something like this. Animal sculptures were very popular. Wild cats, leaping gazelle, afghan hounds anything anything as long as it was leaping or growling. This particular cat was of the growling variety. It had some damage to it's front paws a couple of dents in it's back and was missing half an ear. I got it ( along with a dozen old plates) for 40 quid plus auction costs. It had a really nice finish, black but with a hint of bronze showing through around the head and shoulders, just like a real bronze but the damage had gone through to the white plaster so no option but to fill the dents and repaired his ear. I then sprayed him all over with red primer. Followed by a few coats of a dull gold. I'll finish with a thin coat of black and rub that back gently around his nose, shoulders etc and see if I can manage the same look as the original.
   Now back to the plates. There were several blue and white China plates amongst them. Which a friend of mine collects. He gave me a small pine cabinet in exchange ( which a customer brought from me for £35) a really nice pink porcelain plate went to another friend as a thank you, for some help. Two went on eBay and raised another £15. So my big cat  has cost me almost nothing, has provided me with a few hours distraction and half a post. Not bad really :-)


Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfilment and happiness :-)))

Today I have been mostly ..............

....... Painting, the front door of my old house. I have also been steam cleaning a knackered old rug. I brought in a junk shop, a while ago. There's some age to it but their are a few marks that I doubt will come off. I've added a couple of pictures. I'm not sure you'll notice a difference though. The shadow on the right of both pictures is my big head.
Hopefully you'll notice in the second shot the whitish blobs on the red diamond in the middle have gone and the red to the left is slightly richer than the red to the right after a bit of steam cleaning. I shall bore you with more pictures as it's colours start to come through.
   Back to the painting. I have a list of things to paint, clean or replace prior to getting the house onto the market. Oh and not forgetting a lot of things to take to the dump or stick on eBay. I'd have to say I'm not killing myself to get these jobs done. Which is a bit stupid but now is not the time to get all "stupid me" and add to the pressure. Kitchen and hall are done as well as the aforementioned (I didn't know that was one word. Thank you spell checker) Front door. Next are a few loose slabs to re-lay.

   When I haven't been painting I've spent a bit of time with my mate Abby. We watched a programme on the BBC about successful business entrepreneurs. One guy (whose fortune went into hundreds of millions) was very down to earth and it came out he didn't read too well. So they briefly touched on dyslexia and it's effects on people. Abby, who is very bookish and a nosey mare as well. Asked me what had finally got me reading. "Trashy detective stories" I said. Something that would allow my imagination to wander. No surprises there but what was, was the layout of those types of books. Ragged right, as opposed to Justified. Now I know, you know what I'm on about but .... Ragged right, is where the text all starts at the same place on the left but doesn't necessarily finished in the same place on the right. Justified starts and finishes in two neat lines (newsprint and textbooks for instance) It's supposed to look more professional and neater. However, it creates, what has become known as, white rivers. These are the gaps between the words. You don't get them in Ragged Right but the stretching of words and the gaps between them in Justified creates these unusual gaps. Some people find Justified difficult to read. The rivers play games with their minds and guess what, Textbooks are usually all Justified. Now I know I'm not thick but I struggled at school and the things I did remember were, in the main what I saw, heard or a combination of the two. Also the trashy novels I read in my late teens were usually cheap books so the pages were not white, more yellow. Another thing some people struggle with and then there's fonts types. I could go on but I think you get the gest.
   So all in all a good few days. Sorry about the pictures it seemed a good idea at the time.

Onwards and upwards in pursuit of fulfillment and happyness :-)