Fate I guess.

   Work wise things have been a bit grim. So financial shortcuts have been taken. Like not having a proper spare wheel. It's first on the list to sort out when some cash comes in.
   On Tuesday I noticed one of my tyres was a bit flat, so I pumped them all up. Knowing some cash was due into my account I planned to get a spare sorted out on Wednesday. Alas the tyre didn't last that long and gave up on me at 5 o/c on the A3 a few miles from my currant job.
   I know someone, Pat. Who lives not far and they were in and came and picked me and the useless spare up and dropped me off back at my job. It's an empty flat save for my tools and other bits and pieces. So I made the best of it had something to eat and made up a bed of sorts. The following day Pat picked me up I got the tyre changed (£90 ooh that hurt) went back to the van and I'm back on the road.
   So what did my little adventure teach me? Anything life throws at me can be overcome and staying calm and understanding, it's not personal. Makes it just that bit easier. Squeezing as much good stuff out of a bad situation helps too. Get as much insurance as I can and I don't mean the paper kind. I mean the good sense kind.
   All that said, things are still moving in the right direction and lifes still good .

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfillment and happyness :-)   

A brief history .....

   During my little counselling spell, I said I felt bad about being miserable when there were so many people in the world with real problems. Could I do anything about these people? she asked. No. Well just concentrate on you for the moment.
   It helped, I was generating enough guilt closer to home without adding to it. So eighteen  months on I'm finding that I'm spending more time looking out than looking in. Now the balance is better. There are still too many in the World with real crap though.
   I always assumed that the misery thing was something you got over or cured. Accepting that isn't the case and I need to have little strategies to deal with things has been a real release too. Simple little things that stop me careering down the negative thoughts path and step back on to the right route. Keeping my mouth shut more often :-) and not looking too far into the future. Realizing I can only change my own thoughts and behaviour. Not that I'm into making people do what I want but wondering why others do what they do isn't the best use of time is it.
   Enough of the belly button gazing. Works going well and is becoming enjoyable again. I'm lucky enough to be working in an empty flat, so get to cook a proper meal for lunch. Now all I need to do is add a bit of exercise to the pot.
   I'm dog sitting, at the moment. Which I thought would be a good idea as it would mean long walks etc but all it wants to do is sniff. So walkies is really standies whilst she sniffs the trails left by previous dogs. I'm glad my nose isn't as sensitive as her's as a trip to the Supermarket would be a nightmare. I'd like a dog of my own one day. Although something bigger than this one, with a recognizable breed and fur that doesn't resemble a pipe cleaner.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfillment and happyness :-)     

Better off than most.

   I love house building programs. You know the ones. Where a couple buy a derelict electricity sub station half way up a Welsh mountain and plan to turn it into the latest "des res" with a kitchen bigger than the deli department at Waitrose and a flat screen TV that would put your local Odeon to shame.
  So I tuned into the second series of "The Restoration Man" to watch a mid thirties couple, restore an old windmill. In fact the "windmill" was really only a tall tube of bricks. The top had been blow of in a storm way back in 19 0 something and it had just become an old ruin. Their plan was to build a new house and link it to the restored windmill with a glass corridor. Right at the outset we knew Nikki Fagg had had and beaten cancer and was the driving force behind the project. So on a wet and muddy day (why is it always a wet and muddy day) the project starts and as always the budget comes under the spotlight. Will it be enough, will the bank keep the funding going and save the project from disaster.
   Well that's the usual route but this time things are different. Standing outside the frame of the new house Pete Fagg tells George (The Restoration Man) that Nikki is again unwell. The cancer has returned and she has a year to live. They both stand there in tears and I'm on the sofa blubbering too. For the next 45 minutes everybody is working like crazy to get the sails back on the windmill before it's too late. They managed it and they finished part of the house too before the cancer ended Nikki's life. George goes back to the house when it's finished and is shown around by Pete. It's absolutely stunning and as Pete and George go around the house and windmill you can't help but realize that there's something, someone, missing from what should be a wonderful time in someones life.
   Television comes in for some rightful condemnation at times, for the tripe it turns out. Occasionally it comes up with something that makes you realize how lucky you really are compared to others and what can be achieved when you set your mind to it, even when your up against such terrible odds

In memory of Nikki Fagg (1979-2011)        

Still learning......

   I could use this title for all my posts, I guess. Half of me hates having to admit I'm still learning and still making mistakes the other half accepts on balance it's a good thing. The old ego isn't beyond help just yet.
   I haven't posted for a while (two weeks). I've been busy with work, or more importantly, getting busy with work. Work, good work, done properly and efficiently will lead me out of the doldrums.
  So that's what's been filling my days. To be honest It's not always good or efficient but it's getting that way. So currently plenty of hope and a positive vibe in "Spanner World".
   It's getting on for just over two years since I started to write down just how I felt and I've been really lucky. I've either bumped into people (in a manor of speaking ) who have made me look at things from a different perspective or my ham fisted ramblings have unknowingly stumbled onto something.
   On the outside things appear much the same but inside it's a very different me. A greater self-worth and the knowledge that I'm only responsible for my own thoughts and actions are towards the top of the list but the most important is the knowledge that I do have the power to turn things around if I really want to and that has started to happen. Living in despair and self pity is comfortable and safe but you do develop the smelly wiff of woe about you.
   I'm not saying for a minute that I'm cured. That would be foolish, as it's not a cure thing. It's more, a better understanding of who I am and how best to harness the good and the not so good aspects. So still lots to do but I think the darkness is well and truly past.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfillment and happyness :-)