Thursday, 10 May 2012

Still learning......

   I could use this title for all my posts, I guess. Half of me hates having to admit I'm still learning and still making mistakes the other half accepts on balance it's a good thing. The old ego isn't beyond help just yet.
   I haven't posted for a while (two weeks). I've been busy with work, or more importantly, getting busy with work. Work, good work, done properly and efficiently will lead me out of the doldrums.
  So that's what's been filling my days. To be honest It's not always good or efficient but it's getting that way. So currently plenty of hope and a positive vibe in "Spanner World".
   It's getting on for just over two years since I started to write down just how I felt and I've been really lucky. I've either bumped into people (in a manor of speaking ) who have made me look at things from a different perspective or my ham fisted ramblings have unknowingly stumbled onto something.
   On the outside things appear much the same but inside it's a very different me. A greater self-worth and the knowledge that I'm only responsible for my own thoughts and actions are towards the top of the list but the most important is the knowledge that I do have the power to turn things around if I really want to and that has started to happen. Living in despair and self pity is comfortable and safe but you do develop the smelly wiff of woe about you.
   I'm not saying for a minute that I'm cured. That would be foolish, as it's not a cure thing. It's more, a better understanding of who I am and how best to harness the good and the not so good aspects. So still lots to do but I think the darkness is well and truly past.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfillment and happyness :-)



  1. "lots to do but I think the darkness is well and truly past."

    That sounds great. Seriously. Proof of progress. And you sound HOPEFUL. In the right direction.

    That's awesome.

    I was thinking today that it would be easier if I just didn't have to live anymore. Not suicidal thoughts, and I'd never do anything to harm myself. I'm just so... weary. So sick of feeling the way I feel.

    Part of it is that I need to get back on a regular dosing schedule with my medication. I've been taking xanax a lot lately to fill the gap until the other stuff gets established because if I don't take something to derail the crazy train I'm on, I will lie awake all night.

    Not a good place to be.

  2. Thanks for leaving a comment as always Aims. Sorry you feel weary, Where would we all go for our fix of skool life if you weren't around??????????