Well only for me. I'm back in the family home. Only temporarily though. Our daughters have finished College and Uni. The housing market is in better shape than it was three years ago when we split. So the time is right and I'm looking forward to moving on and finding somewhere of my own to live. Before that happens and the reason I'm here is, there are several jobs around the old house that need to be addressed before the hoped for hordes of buyers beat a path to our door.
My ex and I get on ok but it still feels odd being back. Although seeing my daughters every day is a bonus and our two cats don't seem to have forgotten me but things have changed. There's a new dynamic here and I'm keeping out of any discussions or decisions. I'm just a guest with tools and paint brushes.
As this all draws to a close. The opportunities ahead for me are pretty good. I've found an area where I'd like to move to and have roughed out ideas for work. I have a couple of garages full of furniture and stuff I've brought over the years from auctions etc and am looking forward to the idea of being surrounded by these. So why can't I get motivated ???
I'm going to take my own advice here. Not think about "why" too much. I shall egg myself on instead of bemoaning my lack of industry.
Actually, I should say at this point I'm not an outwardly miserable person. I laugh and joke with the best of them and am positive about well everything really. It's time on my own however. When I'm hit by the feelings of failure and the enormity of what lies ahead. That's what floors me but it's just a thought isn't it. Like "it's warm/chilly today" or "my coffees too hot/cold". I just need to re-think my answers to my negative thoughts.
We are the most important person in our lives. That's not a selfish thought. Without us, you and me. Then there's nothing. Is there ?
I've been thinking and changing things these last three years but the changes have been small. I accept they don't always work. Nothing works 100% of the time and when you're not as bright as you could be then that percentage is going to drop even lower. So now for bigger changes. If I've accepted the fact that it doesn't always work on the small stuff then I think I'm ready to accept it isn't always going to work on the big stuff. I know more now though,
There's more than one way of viewing something........
Don't fold and give up too early .......
Accept "good", the short distance to "better" can quite often be littered with traps ........
Have a plan B .......
I feel better already lol.
Onwards and upwards in pursuit of fulfilment and happiness :-)))
No, you have never struck me as an outwardly miserable person. I find those sort of characters bloody hard work much of the time, and most of them have no good reason to look as miserable as they do. You always seem positive to me. But sometimes I think that you don't let yourself feel down sometimes. You are allowed to feel that way too, you know.
ReplyDeleteI should imagine it does feel odd, and I admire you for doing it. That is probably why motivation is a bit all over the place - I guess there are a lot of odd feelings being stirred up.
Good luck with the big move and keep us posted.
:) P x
You express things very well. I am unable to talk about the things I'm struggling with, even with people I know will support me and not judge. I guess that's not a very good sign, is it?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, (((Hugs)) to you and I hope you're able to surround yourself with the things you've so carefully collected really soon.
:)
Thanks Pixie :-)
ReplyDeleteI have to admit Aims, figuring things out or trying to. Has lead me up the wrong path more than once and then I'm left with having to accept I'm wrong again. Which is another little knock to my pride. Maybe your way is better. Keeping ,your powder dry until you see the whites of their eyes. The really really really important important fact is you're taking part. Your posts on your day, just like Pixies pictures and Shelia's craft stuff prove that even with the blues fecking about in the background. People can still turn out worthwhile and impressive work.
ReplyDeleteOnwards and upwards :-)