One thing at a time.

Yesterday I mentioned just sticking to one thing at a time. Well that's easy to type not so easy to follow I'm brilliant at finding reasons to switch to something else. "It's more important" or "it will only take a minute to do" etc etc. So I've added a little rule. The "one thing" whatever it might be, is the only thing I'm allowed to do. So unless it gets done nothing else does. Bit drastic but I need to keep this thing moving.
This week has been one bit of bad news after another and I have to admit to feeling like a complete failure. However feeling that way ain't going to put things right is it. The only way I'm going to get through it, is deal with things one at a time and one step at a time.
It's not been all doom and gloom though. I've spent the weekend with MissG and she's looked after me and made me feel loved. So there's plenty of good stuff in my life as well.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness :-)

The Elephant and the Fly, a short story.

Just like dieters hit a plateau and struggle to shift those last few pounds. I'm feeling a bit flat and finding it tough not to give into apathy just as things on the horizon are looking bright. I've been cleaning up the toolbar on my laptop. Removing duplicates and rearranging my folders. During this rather mundane but never less enjoyable time I came across the short story below. It didn't take long for me to recognize myself in the Fly and my longing to be more like the Elephant. So today I'm sticking to one thing at a time. Finishing it, then moving on to the next.
I've had two days with MissG. Lazy starts to each day, a short trip out to somewhere interesting followed by a walk and talk, tea and the biggest cake on the counter. Then home, a read and I'd cook something simple for the pair of us and more talk. Followed by an early night. The phone has been switched to silent for the whole time. So now back to work. I'm feeling guilty about having two days off. Why ? self-worth or the lack of it and money worries probably head the list. The only way out is to deal with it and not hide. So back to one thing at a time and elevate the last two days to happy memories and how the break gave me the chance to reflect and push on. So enough of my navel gazing and on to the story.    


A disciple and his teacher were walking through the forest. The disciple was disturbed by the fact that his mind was in constant unrest.
He asked his teacher: "Why most people's minds are restless, and only a few possess a calm mind? What can one do to still the mind?"
The teacher looked at the disciple, smiled and said:
"I will tell you a story. An elephant was standing and picking leaves from a tree. A small fly came, flying and buzzing near his ear. The elephant waved it away with his long ears. Then the fly came again, and the elephant waved it away once more."
This was repeated several times. Then the elephant asked the fly:
"Why are you so restless and noisy? Why can't you stay for a while in one place?"
The fly answered: "I am attracted to whatever I see, hear or smell. My five senses, and everything that happens around me, pull me constantly in all directions, and I cannot resist them. What is your secret? How can you stay so calm and still?"
The elephant stopped eating and said:
"My five senses do not rule my attention. I am in control of my attention, and I can direct it wherever I want. This helps me to get immersed in whatever I do, and therefore, keep my mind focused and calm. Now that I am eating, I am completely immersed in eating. In this way, I can enjoy my food and chew it better. I control my attention, and not the other way around, and this helps me stay peaceful."
Upon hearing these words, the disciple's eyes opened wide, and a smile appeared on his face. He looked at his teacher and said:
"I understand! My mind will be in constant unrest, if my five senses, and whatever is happening in the world around me are in control of it. On the other hand, if I am in command of my five senses, able to disregard sense impressions, my mind would become calm, and I will be able to disregard its restlessness."
"Yes, that's right," answered the teacher," The mind is restless and goes wherever the attention is. Control your attention, and you control your mind."

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness :-)

And moving closer to ......

I'm going to make a second cup of coffee before I start ..... that's better.

Ok so this morning I'm having a lazy start to my day and I'm going to build one of these into my week in future. Breakfast, a bit of a read, the radio on in the background. Total slobbery completley without guilt.

I've also been catching up on several blogs as well. Shame is they're all a bit low and flat. None of my fellow cyber misierites seem to be doing well at the moment. I mentioned distancing myself from negative things a few days ago and that included a few people who pull me down. Thing is, it doesn't matter how low and distraught my Cyber Miserys are I want them around. They really are the gang with huge potential. So I'm going to get closer to them. They can become part of my lazy morning.

Smiles and positive thoughts. Even if I'm not feeling it, I can smile and can have positive thoughts. The positive thoughts must be in the here and now. Not in the future, which was somewhere I used to use to hide in, when the here and now wasn't going well.

So enough to be getting on with for the moment. MissG is coming over for a few days midweek and I'll take a few days off so we can have a bit of alone time and do a little sight seeing before the weather closes in and London reverts back to its grey chilly winter wardrobe.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness :-)

Distance myself from ...........

.... untidiness. Waking up to last nights washing up isn't a great start to a day. It's not the end of the world but it is the tip of my particular iceberg. My van, paperwork, thinking. All these things chip away at my spirits and stop me from tackling certain things. So I need to be more methodical in future which in turn should put the distance between me and it.

.... late nights. I get home with the best of intentions but veg out in front of the TV only to wake up at 2am on the sofa then drag myself to bed. So lets see what a series of early nights leads to.

There are others to go on the list but timing is key for me. In the past I've taken on too much all at once so I'm going to take things in small bit size chunks this time round.

On the whole this has been a good week, although today I had no enthusiasm for anything. To my credit I plodded on and things turned out ok in the end and I'm feeling a bit more inspired now. So will put it to good use before my early night lol.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness :-)

That's got me thinking.

Yesterday I mentioned briefly that being away from the things that made me sad have helped with my recovery. I know that's stating the obvious but it's got me thinking.

So while I was wandering the isles of the local Asda filling my eco lifetime shopping bag and pondering on this my phone rang. It was my ex complaining that some paint I had brought was "rubbish", I'll explain. My daughter wants to paint a shelving unit in her room white. Normally you'd have to prime/undercoat and then finish off with your topcoat of choice. Thinking I'd help matters along I found a one coat paint just right for the job. Right you're up to speed now, lets move on. So my ex went on to explain my daughter had started painting the aforementioned unit and the "paint" was just a clear varnish and not white as expected. I asked if they'd stirred the paint beforehand and was told of course they had. Ok I'll sort it out I said, end of call. Now I'm abit anxious. I'll need to find some time go and collect the "rubbish" paint suffering the odd sarky comment take it back where I brought it from etc etc. So after paying for my shopping and heading home with a little less spring in my step. I get a text. "Twit didn't stir it."

Which serves as the most perfect example of the last years of my marriage. My ex shedding any stress of her own making or anybody else's on me to sort out. Now as I never stopped her doing it. I was as guilty in a way as she was but I suffered for it more than she did.

Like an alcoholic needs to keep away from booze to aid their recovery. Have I distanced myself enough from the things that ails me? (not far enough from my ex obviously) Do I know what ails me?

I read several blogs and there are common thoughts running through all of them, regardless of the depth of the individuals misery. The lack of motivation, poor diet and sleep etc etc.

Now, this really is me just thinking out loud but the last few days have gone well. Partly because I gave myself plenty of time to complete things and let people know what my plans were. So I want to continue with this and while I do, think about what I maybe need to distance myself from in the mean time.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness :-)

It's not fixed yet but !

Well I hope you're smiling. I am. Even though some things didn't go well today and one thing went completely tits up. I've finished the day smiling but pretty tired. I'm starting to change the way I go about my work so things going backwards short term, is to be expected. I phoned tomorrows customer to let her know what time I'm planning to arrive. Simple really and it's something I'm going to do in the future.

Since last weekends little catalogue of mishaps and the realization that as much as it frustrates me I overcame the problems (and always do) it's given me another gently push in to the main stream. I have to tweak things a little. Firstly where would I be without my friends and acquaintances. I need to be a good friend to them as well and I mustn't let things get me down. I know it will be me that sorts it, so ditch the mopping around and just move on with it.

Now I've either changed or am changing the things that flatten me or moved away from what brings me down (my ex and her own unhappiness) things are improving. Has it simply been a case of distancing myself from trouble that enables recovery. I guess I needed to know what it was and getting honest with myself first that started the journey. Funny thing is I'm also finding out other things (like finding a tenner in a pair of jeans you haven't worn for a while) that hadn't even been an issue before. Issue maybe too strong a word but I'm coming across things every now and again that surprises me.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happness :-)

Detail.

I've titled today's page as "detail" because I can't go into detail as it would be inappropriate. Anyway I'm having a right mare with my van. There are things wrong with it and being a Merc it's expensive to fix and the road tax has expired. Basically I'm pretty screwed. So I'm having a chat on the phone with my friend Chris and telling him my transport problems. When he says I might know someone and he did. Well into my life comes this little Greek fella who happens to be a Mercedes mechanic.

All I have to do is get from Kent to North London by 11o/c this morning and my new, yet to meet friend will solve my problems for an amount without too many zero's on the end. No problem. That is until I get onto the M25 and the engine starts to get a bit hot. So I pull over and lift the lid, stream pouring out from the side of the little filler bottle. I let it cool down and top it up, also making sure I fill anything in the van that will hold water. Now it's five to eleven I've stopped half a dozen times I'm out of water and sweating like an X Factor hopeful. Well I just make it in time and my new bestest mate moans a bit about working on such a lovely Saturday. A few hours later I have a fairly fit Van with a long list of things I need to do and I'm sailing home to Kent. 5 miles from MissG I get a puncture, so parked up on the hard shoulder with lorries whizzing past my bum at 60mph I change the wheel and am thinking when will all this grief end.

Back in the van and creeping along those last few miles (cos the engines cooking again) a light goes on. This time not on the dashboard but in my head. Whatever crap comes my way I get through it. I solve it. I survive! So now I'm looking at things from a different place. I'm not a failure. I'm a solver, someone not ready to give in. I just need to alter my thinking a tad. Take on the new info and start seeing life from a birds eye view and not a bugs!

The answers to my many problems are around me. Friends, family and my own abilities. Today I learned a lot.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness.