The end of my perscription.

Today I took my last tablet. I've finished my four month course, I'll visit my doctor next week and hopefully that will be that. It's difficult to say what effect they've had on me but over the last few weeks I've been able to think things though in a far more structured way than in the past. So I guess they did their thing which got me through my thing.

I know there' still a way to go but I do believe I'm properly packed for the journey now. Loads of rubbish has been turfed out and some important kit has been added. So my head is straight and my thinking clearer.
Compared to some of the blogs I read I'm bloody lucky. Some poor souls are on big doses of all manner of different potions out there. I really do hope people in those situations find the right combination of things to help them get where they want to be.

At the moment I'm in the process of packing up my bits and pieces and moving out of my flat. I'm off to Hatfield to stay with a friend for a while, till MissG and I can find a house together down in Kent. It will be the first time in my life (all 53 years) when I won't be living in London! My two girls are 17 and 22 and don't need me the way they used to but I'm hoping that this new imposed distance between us helps to further develop our relationship in a positive way and we don't grow apart.

I'm still in the poo with regard to money, debt and work. Which is worrying but I'll just have to get on with it and put things right, it's what Chris Gardner would do :-) So will I.

On a more personal note, Med it's about time you posted. I miss you and your well written pieces. You we're the first person to leave a comment on my blog. Even though it was a demand to stop writing immediately! I've quiet taken to you :-) So lets hear something soon, please.


Now some wise words to lift us and get us all moving.

 "There's an important difference between letting go and giving up."
Jessica Hatchigan.

OK so none of us has an excuse today. I expect all of us to have a wonderfully positive day's and to report back ASAP.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness :-)

A "cross roads" week.

This has been my toughest week since I started my blog. I'm refusing to give in and write a real doom and gloom entry. Am I  just misleading, lying or deluding myself, there has to be an element of these in the mix  I guess it really hinges on how I behave next and what I do next. It's that "when the going gets tough the tough get going" moment. Shame the saying isn't "when the going gets ugly the ugly get going" I'd have a head start :-)))))

Before I go on. Let me say that living in London means my life is a thousand times better than the millions of people who wake up to war and poverty everyday. The daily pluses in my life far exceed those afforded to many millions. I don't take my good fortune for granted I'm merely trying to live a useful and productive life given the luck of geography that was bestowed on me at birth.

Here's a short list of good things in my life. MissG, my two daughters, my mother, my ability to remain positive and see the good through the bad, Jimmy and Jeremy a couple of very good friends. Being surrounded by my little paintings and prints and my other little flea market acquisitions and sardines on toast. (all of the above are in the present, the here and now not daydreams of what might be which is a plus).

And the negative. Debt, very little work and my Olympic skill, apathy.

Well for fecks sake what's wrong with me. A nice list of good things typed without much thought or deliberation and a miserly short list of bad stuff. If you're reading this, chances are you suffer from the misery's so I guess your lists would probably have a similar weight to them. Well all except the sardines on toast!

I'll add to this as the weekend and hopefully me progressies .............

Lots of protein for tea last night and I slept well and feel full of beans this morning. Tried making yogurt again last night but failed so I'll try again today and will make a big effort to eat properly this weekend. Following on from diet is something I read thanks to Jamie
http://fightingthedarkness.blogspot.com/

Woke up early and again feel in good spirits. Yogurt version3 worked. So I now have a use for my inherited slow cooker. I'm growing more and more interested in cooking. Particularly simple food, partly because there aren't too many processes and I can adapt and improve. Also seasonal food. I think I mentioned it before. I once met someone who believed nature provided you with fruits and vegetables as you needed them and for as long as you needed them. So I'm trying to buy fruit and veg when it's in season and a by product of this is it's cheaper.

Now to tie the last two paragraphs together. Jane Henderson believes her misery was borne out of various mineral deficiencies and I'm feeling better this weekend because I've topped up on protein and cut back on the carbs. Now this is a gross exaggeration but indulge me for a minute. The human condition states that we ignore the obvious. We ignore the ones we love, we put off the important things, we overspend and we choose the simple route over the more interesting and educating but slightly more difficult route. So is my weekend going better because I've fed a loved one (me) with food I enjoyed preparing although it took a bit of time and I've persevered with my yogurt even tho Tesco's fridges are full of the stuff. I know you'll think this is a vast over simplification but is there any harm in trying it?

The weekends almost over. My youngest daughter has moved in. She's exasperated my ex with her time keeping and the odd joint. So she's been sent to me. I think my ex is teaching both of us a lesson. However it will be nice having her here and fun to be a hands on dad again.

I've done very little this weekend and I'm not feeling as guilty as I normally would lol. Fulham won away which is such a rare occurrence that several Fulham fans on the club website have actually apologised to the team we beat, it seems we're only happy when we're losing. I guess if you're suffering from the blues Fulham are the team to follow:-)

I know a little more about things than I did last week. I feel brighter than I did last week. I hope you've had  good weekend too !

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness :-)

Missing Words..

I was talking to a customer today and used the word "Passion". It struck me later, that "passion" wasn't a word I'd used for a very very long time. So it set me thinking about other words I hadn't used for a while.

Charged.
Energy.
Boosted.
Enthusiasm.
Grandiose.
Invest.
Encouraged.
Nurtured.
Pursue.
Exceeded.
Greeted.
Surpass.
and Passion.

I wonder if I changed some of the words I use, will it affect me in a positive way? and to be honest with spell check loaded, I can add them to the blog knowing I'm not going to embarrass myself.

So for now I shall redouble my efforts. Go that extra mile or more, to bring you wonderful people. Something far more entertaining. Something to the point and far more insightful (is that a word?) Am I over egging the cake haha.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness :-)

So lets start again.

  I've been a bit lazy and self indulgent these last two days and it's achieved the following. I'm rested, well read, feel a bit guilty and ready to push on.
  As all things financial have been coming to a head I guess it's added to my stress levels abit so hence the need to sleep. In between my sleeping. I have to say though that a day of snoozing, reading and listening to the radio is an enjoyable day for me and something I'll build in to the future (as long as some more important aspects of life like hard work is in the mix as well)
   I've been reading various blogs and there's a lot of guilt there. I wonder if it's fate. Lining up all that guilt for me to read about. None of it is justified either. We don't set out to make mistakes, we set out (with varying degrees of skill ) to do the best we can. So why the feck do we spend more than a few minutes to analyze it? So fellow loggers let it go and use all that time in a more positive way.
  Starting again isn't quite true. Somethings have stuck others pop up regularly and some I've never managed to adopt successfully. So it's easier to say "lets start again" and it matters not how often I start again, either. When I succeed (and I aim to) will I remember all the times I "failed" or will I remember all the times I "started" again. All the times I wanted to feel good about myself and play an active part in life. I'll leave you to answer that :-)
   Christmas isn't far off. Most years I'd promise myself I wouldn't be broke and fed up next Christmas and I always was lol.
   So no sense in waiting, lets see what can be achieved in eight weeks.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness :-) 

Is knowing what causes the misery enough?

Over the last week I've been trying to tackle the last few things that I've been putting off for a long while. In the process learning a little bit more about me.

In so many ways I've reached the end of my search as to why I see things in such a negative way so often and lapse into a bit of a recluse.

Now am I capable and strong enough to use all this info to turn things around permanently. I have so many good reasons to but at this moment in time I'm not convinced I have what it takes. I'll get some sleep and start to add up all the qualities and skills I have and see if that's going to be enough.

Although this doesn't read as such it is a positive post.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness :-)
 

A very slow week, so far!

  Before I start, I was going to title this "A slow week" and just as I was about to add the full stop I changed it to "so far". Which I think is a positive and is further proof to me that my underlying mood is buoyant despite the currant financial cloud that hovers above.
  OK back to the slow week. As you may or may not know. I've adopted doing one thing at a time and unless I complete the first task I cannot move on to the second. It's my way to stop me avoiding the important stuff. The stuff I put off. Which is frankly stupid, as it's the stuff that eventually grows and grows and doesn't go away.
  Well it's been an odd experience. Having completed one or two things I've found myself sleeping much better. So you'd think I'd be knocking myself out ploughing through my little pile of crap. That's not been the case though, I'm doing a lot of sitting about and willing myself on but it's slow. What is different however is the lack of guilt which I would normally be feeling around now and the deep routed sense of well being that is coming through. The lack of one feeling and the growing of the other is a spur on, in itself. I would feel even better if I did less sitting around though.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness :-)

What does the day hold in store for us?

  By "us" I mean me and actually I know for the most part, what's in store. I woke up this morning, like every morning worrying about something. I spent a few minutes pushing those thoughts out of my head. I've had enough of waking up worrying! It achieves nothing except a bad start to a day and something else to overcome. Since finding the story of "The elephant and the fly" I've been making a huge effort to control my senses. Particularly my thoughts and thus use my time to better effect. So back to my day. It's shaped by how I feel, what I plan to do with it and most importantly what I achieve. Fate has very little to do with things. There will always be variables but it's what I make of my day.
 
Yesterday I said I felt like a complete failure. I typed it while feeling a bit sorry for myself. Well I'm not feeling sorry for myself today although I am a failure. Not totally but as far as work and finance goes a failure. I've made bad decisions, let people down and have been let down. So alot of the crap that's around me is of my making and clearing it up is something I need to do, to restore my faith and belief in myself.
 
It's just occurred to me that how successful a person is, isn't just about how well they do or what they acquire but also how well they cope when things go tits up. I regularly read several blogs similar to mine and I'm full of admiration for the writers. They are articulate and describe their thoughts and feelings exceptionally well. They are all trying to straighten things out, blame no one and want very little from life.
 
So time for more action and effort. I hope your day is going well and you've managed to overcome something or feel good about yourself and you count today as a plus.


Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness :-)