and what did you learn today ?

   Our stalling house sale moved forward a little yesterday and the signs are good for the moment. I'm waiting on a letter from the local planning office which should clear up the last remaining issue. I also cleared up a little issue of my own.
   Our buyers solicitors have asked a bundle of questions. Which is the norm. However if they don't like or understand an answer, they just ask it again. No request for further details or an explanation as to what they would like, just the same question again and again. Our solicitor tells them in very polite legalise, to get off their fat arses and find out for themselves (as it is on public record). So the situation has got bogged down. The solicitors aren't too worried. As they are getting paid and have other people to annoy but our buyers are getting frustrated thinking we are dragging this whole thing out. They are telling our agents that if everything isn't complete by such and such they are going to look at other properties. Our agents are then phoning the two parties we're buying from and informing them that maybe there's a problem and they may want to put their properties back on the market. So it's headless chicken time and for a while I joined in that dance too. Blaming everybody else and wanting to curl up in a ball and wait for the whole thing to sort it's self out.  As I have done in other situations before It didn't then and it wasn't now. So I got stuck in and smoothed things as best I could.
   Now here's where I learned a lesson. While I was smoothing things as best I could, it was always in my mind that this wasn't my mistake. The blame lay with others and I was being a really wonderful human being sorting all this out for them. I was wrong wasn't I! I'm trying to help sort things out because I have a vested interest in the outcome. Is anybody really at fault, no, they are doing what they think is right. Maybe they could do it better but that's their issue not mine. I needed to get my precious head out of my backside and help the situation along and if that involves carrying a bit extra for a few steps, so be it. Maybe in future I should first think how I can help and not who to blame.
   Now on to other business. I've been having a go at liking myself a little more recently. I'm at the don't really like that about me and should I tell me and risk maybe upsetting myself.  I'll keep you posted.
 
Onwards and upwards in pursuit of fulfilment and happiness :-) 

Giving up. Is it an option?

   So a couple of things happened this week. A friend is feeling really low, rock bottom low. What do I say to help? Do I try some helpful advice, knowing we've all had, at some point in our lives helpful advice that's not been that helpful. Or do I share the feelings, emphasise. I've never been a great receiver of empathy. I know, not very magnanimous of me but I'm not convinced it does enough or shows I care enough.
  When I'm having a bit of a bad moment I want everybody to turn into Doctor Phil and give me heaps of good advice. So what to do? The only thing I'm happy with is a mixture of both. Trying to find something in my past and how that worked out.
  So, giving up? is that really an option and is that what any of us really wants? Is it top of the list. Or does it just seem the easiest of all options. The one thing that's stopped me thinking the worst is, "is that how I want to be remembered." As someone who couldn't get through it. You're not going to be remembered for anything else are you. Well fuck that, there has to be and there are other ways to pull out of the terrible spiral of events we sometimes get into. I do have a couple of good qualities. I'm nice to kids (I spent all my early years going to school with them). I can raise a smile out of most people and have a positive outlook on all things (which is odd, how can I suffer from the blues but still be positive ???????) On balance I think I'd prefer to be known for these things. So how to go about it. Well I know pills don't do it for me and my constant companion Mr Procrastination makes sure I never manage to follow any kind of helpful routine. So what's left. Liking me, I've never really done enough of that. I've always mixed that up with "don't be so hard on yourself" but weirdly I like that part of me. The buck stops with me, if things go wrong. I'm in control (well most of the time) of me. So if I'm late, it's not because of heavy traffic or the train decided to break down. It's because I didn't get my fat arse out of bed and allow myself enough time. I really can't think of too many episodes in my life where things didn't go to plan and I could of made a little more effort to stop them going pear shaped. So actually I like that about me. I'm starting to warm to this now. go and get yourself a drink this might turn into a loooooooong read. Maybe I should focus on the more negative parts of me first. There maybe unexpected little nuggets of likes there that I hadn't considered. Not giving up, I don't. Even when that really would be the most sensible thing to do, I don't. I like that about me. I think too much. I like that about me too. I daydream. I really like that. So much so I'm going to say it again. I daydream. I think I can do anything, give me a hammer, some nails, glue and a spanner or two and I can make it (do you still want to come round for dinner?). I do accept that's impossible but that only comes a minute or two after I think I can and I really like that about me. Who needs Doctor Phil ! you don't even need to read on do you. I think we've all got the idea. You're already thinking about it already. So I'll move on to part two but just before I do I just like to say to the friend in question. I do hope you're feeling a bit better :-)
   So the house move has stalled and our buyers are threatening to pull out because things are moving too slow and they think we're not dealing with their solicitors daily dose of dumb questions quickly enough. The problem is we receive dumb questions and answer them, then our solicitor rewrites our answers in to legalise Which basically is "that's a dumb question, go find the answer yourself" to which their reply is "thank you for that and here's another dumb question which is very similar to our last dumb question you didn't answer." Tuesday was the worst and I started to think, sod it I don't care. Don't buy my house and my ex and I won't buy the places we've found and started to daydream about. I've had enough of trying to please and keep everybody happy and on track. You can all bicker amongst yourselves and blame somebody else. See if I care. So I took myself off to bed. Tossed and turned and couldn't sleep. I decided to get up, watch TV for twenty minutes get tired and return to bed. I parked my self on the sofa and switched on. It was the last half of one of those self build programmes. A nice giggly couple were renovating an old cinema, turning it into a home. Shit happened, as it always does in such programmes but they just giggled and got it sorted. I thought, I can do that. Went to bed, slept and since then haven't looked back. I haven't pulled it out of the fire just yet but the signs are good. I don't want to give up on my dream just yet and I don't want my ex upset because she has to give up on hers too. I like that about me :-)

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfilment and happiness :-) 

Worrying really isn't worth the worry !

   Following on from my last post, I happened to be reading through the BBC news site, a day or two after and found an item which contained a quote from Winston Churchill. Now I'm a real fan of WC, his quotes are a mix of homespun good sense underlined with a good education and humour. I went in search of the article a day or two later and couldn't find it. I did however find a ton of stuff about how tiring, worry can be. Is that why depressives sleep so much? or always say they are tired? Now smarter people than me know the answer to this, so I'll try not to worry about it. Which leads me on to something else I've been trying not to do. Negative thinking.
   I can be in a really good place. Both physically and mentally when dark oil flows in to my mind and things turn a little gray and depressing. Recently I have been catching this early and not letting it take root and spoil things. I know I'm not alone in this. People leave go of their control. Why do we do this? why do we let ourselves down? We walk along with faces devoid of a smile but etched with worry, boredom and misery. Why why why? (I'm beginning to worry now) on balance most of us have plenty to be happy about and I do try to correct that too and push a little smile onto my face. So if you happen on a tall bald bloke with a twisted manic smile, say hello and ask me how I am.
   My house sale is wobbling along. I'm finding it really tough not to splash pictures of the beach, the sea and other ephemera on these pages. Inside I have fifty little me's leaping up and down waving and singing but I'm keeping them in check. I don't want to put the abdabs on it but you'll know the second after I do and I don't care if you wanted to or not. It won't be a celebration for one but for everyone. If I can get my brown stuff in order then anyone can.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfilment and happyness :-)     

Setbacks and problems........

   Our house sale has stalled. I won't go into any detail. There is, in fact little detail just a lull in proceedings and a negative air hanging over the whole affair. Ex and I had a sit down and drew up contingency plans, should the worst happen. I say worst but when I look back fate has always provided a better alternative.
   The very worst thing that's happened to me and those closest to me, was the loss of our son Jack at birth but then a year or so later Izzy arrived. Our loss seems small when I compare that to the joy and occasionally annoyance Izzy has heaped on us over the last eighteen years.
   So while it's frustrating it's not the end of my little World is it. There's nothing I like more than trying to second guess what someone's up to but now I think my time would be better employed staying busy with the things that need to be done and there by keep my mind off of things that may well not happen but on those things that will happen.
   So that's me done for a few days. I wonder how much of my life has been spent worrying about what didn't happen and not enjoying what did.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfilment and happyness

Drains ......

   Blocked drains are something that I come across occasionally in my line of work. It can take a while to unblock a drain. I can't always see the blockage, it's covered in ! well you can guess. So I take an educated guess as to where the problem is. Sometimes I'm right, sometimes wrong. Occasionally you have to find another way to clear the blockage and once successful it pays to return a day or two later and check everything's ok. Because sometimes there's another little blockage further along that's the real reason and what I've shifted is just stinky camouflage. So I need to add a little extra to the bill to cover the return visit.  
   Are the problems we face in life similar to blocked drains? things we have left to slowly cause a problem or just not paying enough attention to the little alarm bells that go off in our heads. Is the solution the same ? find the blockage and remove it. Or get someone in whose qualified to deal with it. Either way don't forget to add a little to the bill. So you're covered for a look back occasionally and to check all is still clear.
   I've blogged more recently. Due in part to the changes that are about to happen and with that in mind I think it's time to tweak things a little. So a new sign off. No longer a search but a bit more, go getting!

Off to chew a little more of that Elephant :-)    

Chances part 2 ........

   Two things happened this weekend that should in normal circumstances inspire and drive me forwards. The first was a trip out on Sunday. One of the smartest things I did last year was get a subscription to the "Art Fund". It allows you to visit tons of art galleries up and down the Country for free or at a discount. This Sundays venue was Leighton House (www.leightonhouse.co.uk).          Frederic Lord Leighton was born a rich kid way back in 1830. He wanted to be an artist, not the profession usually associated with the middle classes and on a par with wanting to be a rap star today . Fortunately for him, money and indulgent parents helped him live the dream. He wasn't bad at it either, Queen Victoria brought one of his paintings and came to dinner. I'm not sure if dinner was part of the deal or she just liked him but she did. He had many interesting friends and a fair bit of influence when it came to promoting the Arts. Eventually he became the President of the Royal Academy of Arts. He was ennobled (knighted) towards the end of his life, becoming Frederic, Lord Leighton, Baron Stretton. The only artist, so far, to be so honoured. The boy did good.
   Enough of the history back to the House. Leighton had the house built in Holland Park, an area which is part of what is now Kensington and Chelsea. The construction followed his design and very precise requirements. Part house, part studio, part gallery. The ground floor houses his collection of middle eastern tiles. Now he didn't just hang these tiles willy-nilly oh no. He's created an amazing set of rooms that literally transport you away from central London and drop you into a merchants villa next to a souk or amongst the palm trees and sand. It's absolutely amazing. The upstairs is a little more what you'd expect of a Victorian house but even here there's colour, wit and clever little touches to make life comfortable and relaxing after a hard day painting nymphs and cherubs in your vast studio. Which is a huge room scattered with Persian rugs a huge window to provide light, a small stage (your guess is as good as mine on what that's for) and decorated floor to ceiling with his pictures and those of his contemporaries.
   I felt pretty inspired and made little notes of things I'd like to recreate given half a chance and things go well with my up coming move.
   The second happening of the weekend, is I'm house sitting for a couple of friends. I've stayed here often, keeping their big black cat company reading their books and raiding their drinks cabinet. Here it dawned on me that this could be me soon. Living on my own again for the first time in about eighteen months. surrounded by my books, pictures, bits of furniture. If I needed a lift, a push to tie up loose ends, shouldn't this be it but it hasn't quite happened. It feels a little like a firework you light and step back from. The seconds tick by but nothing happens. You darn't approach it just in case it goes off but there's also a sense of disappointment that maybe it won't !
   I'll step away and go get mysel another bite of elephant.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfilment and happyness :-)

Chances.

   The one thing about feeling better, stronger or/and happier is your decision making improves or the decisions you now are having to make, seem a little easier and more within your capabilities. So that got me thinking and I came upon chance! For most of us, those living in the western world. Our lives are full of chances. Miss a bus, there's another. Lose a job, there's another. Miss a film, buy the DVD. Lose a lover, there's another. I'm not being glib, I know it isn't always the case (does anyone have the first series of 24, I missed the final episode so never bothered with the next five series) but life seems to give us lots of opportunities to try again.
   However when you're down in the dumps, those opportunities seem very scarce and when you're in a good place you don't see them passing you by.
   So what to do. How do I recognise a chance, whether my head is full of clouds or sunshine? Well I guess I'm spotting some already. So maybe it's just a case of being more tuned in. How, I'm not sure. I don't think it involves anything other than being in the moment. Actually living every second and not being away with the fairies, thinking about what may or may not happen.
   That's it really, something for you to think about over your cornflakes.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfilment and happiness :-)