Days 50&51

Apologies for no posts this week but things are pretty unsettled at the moment. Whilst my general mood is pretty level my emotions are all over the place at the moment. I'm kind of involved with someone who's in a worse state than me. Initially I thought the caring and looking after them was helping me fact was you're just superimposing your problems on them. Good thing is I spotted it for myself and realised my depression was/is fuelled by the lack of love in my life. Again something I never realised I needed as much as I so obviously do. Not just love from others but the fact I don't really love myself either. So I'll need to sort that first.
The big frustration at the moment is everything is so far away. I cannot see anything changing or improving in the short term and that's pretty depressing.

Days 43&44

Apart from the week when I started this blog. This has to be the most important week to date. It was a week where things came to the surface and rescued me just at the right moment. I have to say like the little voice that popped into my head and said "be strong" I've no idea where from or why these things arrived! but I'm really glad they did.
I suppose I've been putting in the basic framework to build a healthier and happier life. It just seemed to have start up on it's own (maybe it knew I needed it's help).
As previously mentioned I'm beginning to look at things in a very positive way. I'm finding my humour and the regular visits to the gym are turning me into a chiseled hunk (haha, if only). The humour thing is turning from black to a more balanced light hearted banter that includes people and isn't so inward looking. In fact it's the change from only looking inwards to looking outwards at the rest of the World that seems to be a sign of recovery (not the word I'd choose but it's good enough).
Hopefully this new mood will stay with me for the coming weeks. Because all the crap and rubbish that brought me down is still there. I might have broken it up and shifted it round but it's there and needs putting away permanently.
Onwards and upwards people :-)

Day 42

Following on from yesterday I'm still finding positives in the negatives and warming to the challenge. To be honest I haven't even scratched the surface of getting away from the gloom but I'm beginning to feel and know I can take it on and get on with life love and happiness.
Onwards and upwards :-)

Day 41

Got some really bad news yesterday but the surprising thing was I went straight into rescue mode flagged the positives wrapped up in all the horrible stuff and we all came out of the moment feeling better than when we went in. Forty one days later I'm beginning to find a person in me I like. It's way too early to say I've found my cure but I've learned alot about myself though writing all this stuff down.
Onwards and upwards people :-)

Day 40

Day forty and I'm still here typing away. Hoping the Angels are just around the corner waiting to offer me nourishment. Just like they did for Jesus, when he finished his forty day stint resisting the Devil.
Actually it's not been a bad day. The positive thoughts thing I mentioned yesterday is kicking in a bit. I'm not just thinking it's a nice day (it was) but starting to think big major ideas for the future, which fill your head with plans. Keeps you occupied for hours.
Looks like I'm going to get the chance to drive the bus and not be one of it's passengers being taken who knows where.
Onwards and upwards people :-)

Day 39

I'm at a bit of a lose as to what to right today. A bit of positive thinking is creeping in to my thoughts. If I'm not careful I'll be telling young mothers what beautiful babies they have and letting pensioners push in front of me in the Post Office.
I've been drinking water like a fish today, no doubt I'll spend most of the next few hours trotting back and forth to the loo.
Another 40 minutes spent down the gym tonight. I'm getting some funny looks there. So I suppose I better start using the equipment before they ban me.
Onwards and upwards people :-)

Day 38

Sorry this is a few hours late but "on call" yesterday and that really throws me out of whack for a couple of days. Something very interesting happened yesterday (well it did for me anyway). The pattern from the weekend feeling ok then a bit of a slide, repeated itself today (Monday). The difference was a little voice inside me said "be strong" where did that come from? I'm hoping this may expand and my little voice might start giving me horse-racing tips and winning lottery ticket numbers. A bit of humour at last. Well you deserve something if you've managed to stick with my ramblings on "to do" lists over the last month.
I'll make an extra special effort to try and include some humour in future posts.
Onwards and upwards everyone :-)