Day 226. Tea and toast.

Just after eight on a Sunday morning. I was going to talk about what small differences I've noticed in the last few days, when another popped in to mind. So I'll note that first before I forget. I have a mental list/plan of what I'd like to do and was just trying to work out where I'd be today. Then the first little job cancelled on me (they needed to go out)and my day has got a whole lot simpler. This never used to happen before and I am wondering if God is lending a hand here with my rehab! I'm still a bit sceptical about all things religious (which is a whole other chapter, so not for today).
Back to small differences. Getting out of bed still doesn't require a count of fifty then another five minutes before I get out. I also have a cloak of well being surrounding me. So the day starts in more of an upbeat manor. I deal with the negative voices quickly and move on to a more positive frame of mind.
There are no real negatives to record here. Apart from occasionally finding something to do to delay getting stuck in to the real work. I do need to deal with my back log of daily tasks sooner rather than later. There is a little thinking to do on these subjects as I fear the way I choose to tackle it, is the wrong way I used in the past but I'm not far off the remedy.
Onwards and upwards Spanner :-)

Day 223. All's calm and peaceful.

Well I did everything I set out to do, today. Maybe not in the order or time I had planned but it's done after a fashion. I'm happy with the results and look forward to a good nights sleep.
I've had some thoughts about the Counselling and how it's going. I can't put it into words but it's to do with how I went in to it and how its affected me recently.
I still have this continuing feeling of well being. I called the flat "home" today for the first time I can remember. Time hasn't flown past, as it normally does. I have a real sense of turning a corner but again can't put it into words.
Tomorrow looks to be an interesting day. Firstly a bit of tidying up to get the house in order as it were. Then a counselling session followed by a trip to the seaside.
I'm finding it hard not to plan the weekend (which will be a working weekend) and share those plans on this page but I'm trying to change the way I approach and do things so best end here. Onwards and upwards :-)

Day 222. A Slow Start.

Well it would be after a late night and almost a whole bottle of red wine. That said slept well and woke feeling pretty positive. As I've already said. I'm managing the negative stuff pretty well at the moment. The problem is some of the negative stuff needs to be resolved and cannot just be pushed out because it makes me feel bad. I guess I'm going to have to develop two different ways of dealing with it. The simple one of replacing negative thoughts with more positive thoughts and the more difficult one (because it requires me to get off my arse)of planning a swift course of action to deal with it (which turns it into a positive, right?).
I'm coming to terms with the fact that this is going to take time. I need to strike a healthy balance though. Not set a date on it, which is unrealistic and will put me back but have some kind of timetable where by I can see movement progress and resolution. I'm going to do now, the exact opposite of what I would normally do. I'm not going to think about it. I'm going to do something completely different for 20 minutes or so and I'll let my mind come back to the subject when it's ready.
So for now onwards and upwards :-)

Day 221. An Early Start.

Had an early morning (5:45) call for an urgent job. So off I went and now I'm back fed and typing my morning thoughts before I leave again for work.
My mood is still sunny and bright. Unlike the weather. The modification of my poor behaviour patterns continues. I have to look in the mirror and say "I love you" thirty time a day. It feels abit odd but It doesn't hurt and it can only do me good. Blocking off the irrational thoughts and replacing them with something far more positive is proving a little more difficult but not impossible.
Thinking of five positives everytime a negative wanders across the horizon is a challenge, three positives come along quickly but you have to think hard to get to five. The plus there, is that your mind is thinking up positives and has no time to dwell on the negs.
I have found a couple of sites on the web with good positive "one liners". So I pick one and text it to myself and sometimes the girlfriend, if it's particularly good.
Last night I moved a few things round the flat and put up a couple of pictures and a mirror. It's starting to be my flat now and it's nice to be surrounded by my own bits and pieces.
Onwards and upwards :-)

Day 220. Back and better

It's been a while since I posted last. Plenty has happened and I'm in a far better place now, than I was.
I've had eight sessions of twelve in a course of personal counselling. It's proved to be really beneficial. Firstly I've identified (with help) some problems with my core beliefs and a perfectionist streak. Which is seriously self destructive.
I'm taking steps (again with help)to correct these and today woke and found myself in a really happy frame of mind. I can't remember the last time I felt that way.
With some modification to my current behaviour I think I can turn this round to my advantage and begin to live a more fulfilling kind of life.
More soon, onwards and upwards :-)