The right place at the right time.

   Many years ago I used to work at Harrods in Knightsbridge. I started in the Food Hall and then transferred to the Gift Shop. The buyer took a bit of a shine to me and if anything interesting was happening she'd get me involved. One summer the store had a French promotion and built a French Village in the middle of the ground floor. There was a Patisserie a Chocolatier a Perfumery and in the middle of all of this was a post box.
   I was due to go on holiday the week the promotion was wrapped up and a day or two before I was due to leave I was summoned to her office.
"So a little birdy tells me you're off to France for your holidays."
"Yes, that's right."
"Are you flying or the boat train?"
"Boat train."
"Oh right, we've got a little job for you"
   And the job? it was to post all the postcards the customers had put in the postbox, in a real French post box. That night I left work with three large carryabags full of cards. My then girlfriend and I spent the whole journey down to Biarritz on the train, reading these cards. Once we'ed arrived and got ourselves sorted it took us about three days to post all these cards. The village only had a small box and we crammed as many in as we could each day. I would of loved to have been there to see the look on the postman's face each afternoon. Wondering where all these cards had come from. Was his little village now on the route of some huge passing holiday coach and what happened on Thursday ? did it breakdown or loose it's way. Never to return. And what of all those Harrods customers who had brought the postcards and stamps, had written messages on them and posted them. Did they really believe these would somehow arrive on a friends or loved ones door mats with a French postmark? and what would my Boss have done if I hadn't been going on holiday? Luckily for all these folk I was in the right place at the right time.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness and fulfillment :-)  
 

Thoughts in no particular order ........

    Lists : I've been using lists for a while. In order to help with motivation and getting things done. Unfortunately it's hasn't really hit the spot. So I've started listing when I start a task and when I finish it, when I break etc etc. This seems to work for me. I have a little record of how many hours work I've actually done and how long it's taken me to do a particular job. Tangible evidence for me to see what I've actually done.

   Age : For the very first time in my life, it's occurred to me that I might not succeed. My plans may not be fulfilled. I've always felt, I'd succeed. So even when things were bad that thought wasn't far away. At the time I thought this seemed to be a good thing, it showed even when things were awful, I had a positive outlook for the future.  Was I not just using it as a place to hide and not face up to things?Now I'm not so sure, I have a doubt. Well surprise, surprise having a doubt is a plus. It's not going to happen unless I do something more than just think about it, is it !

   Dating : Since the split with MissG  I've dated a few times. I wasn't in any mad rush to find a replacement but I did want to get out, see a movie and kind of get a feel for where I fit (am I good company, desirable etc). Well it became apparent pretty quickly that there were more important and pressing matters in my life to solve before I need to date. Which again was a first. There's no way of avoiding the fact that what you do is what you are. In the process of meeting someone and swapping stories with them on who you and they are. Your working life crops up and I found myself painting a rosier career picture than the actual. Nothing outrageous or untrue and definitely not designed to lead someone to believe I'm something I'm not but it did make me realize where I actually am in terms of my career or lack of it. Works been slow over the last few months and instead of facing up to it I've buried it hoping that it will sort it's self out Again that's not going to happen is it !
   One of my dates realized the same as me. As to whether dating was what they wanted or should be doing. So we got to a bit of 'in depth' chatting and along the way I found out, that I did indeed possess a few desirable qualities. We also talked about what our basic roles in life are. What general qualities a man and a women should have. This was a real eye opener for me and deserves a post all of it's own. So more on that another time.

   Dealing with problems :  I have a 'one size fits all' mentality to problems. Ignore them for as long as possible and then some more. Stupid I know and this really does need the ' It's not going to happen unless I do something more than just think about it' treatment.

   After reading the above you'd think things were a bit glum in 'Spanner World' but you'd be wrong. Putting things off or ignoring it is something we all do to some extent. Being single and self employed I can and almost have, ignored everything as it only really seems to affect me but the last person I should be letting down is me. I could lets say, let down a new customer. The fallout wouldn't be that great would it? However each time I let me down I let everybody down. Family, friends and customers. So all the above is a little note to me, which in essence says, "I need to sharpen some of my life skills to allow myself to follow the route I'd like to take".

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness and fulfillment :-)

       

   

Je suis fatigue

It's been a busy week. I've had a little time to read blogs but not enough to add to my own. Several things have happened over the last week and although they don't appear to be related, seem to point in the same direction but it's late. So I'll give it some thought and write it down in a day or two.  

What's a blog for?

   The reason I started blogging was to keep a diary. Something I could look back on and see the improvements. It was also the safest option too (I'd loose a real diary). I really didn't believe anybody else would bother to read it either, why would they?
   The first surprise, was the cycles that began to appear. I'd look back and see that every couple of months things would look and sound the same. Second surprise, was other people reading my blog and just like a toddler who realizes they are the centre of attention. I played up to my (small) audience. Since then things have been pretty settled. My spelling and word power have improved, I get a lot of enjoyment out of writing and yes, also seeing how many page views there have been for any particular day and the comments left.
   Today I spot the third surprise. I'm not at my best mood wise but  I don't like writing sad !. I'm late for work and the usual misery demons are at the front of the queue, waiting to get in. However there are positives in many forms but the demons have pushed them back to the back of the queue. So my cards are stacked and I should be able to play a really good hand of "woe is me" but I can't do it. I want to write something uplifting for ME. Something that pushes me out of the door and in to something interesting. My blog is starting to develop into a useful little tool to extract me from dark corners, Ithat creep up on me from time to time. I started to feel a bit off Friday. So wrote myself out of blogging for a bit with Busy Days. Just to give myself some time alone. So my ideas could peculate and because I could see the fog floating in.
   Well it can just float on by. Work's moving forward, albeit very slowly. I'm starting to love the odd thing or two about me (sorry if that makes you feel a bit nauseous, it does look a bit daft in print but it's true and truth is what I'm after) and my thoughts are more in the here and now than in the future or the past. I'm feeling a little better already.
   My writing is here for me to attack and not to defend. I shall poke the first demon who comes near me in the eye, stamp on his toe and laugh like Mr Roosevelt above (who ironed his shirts?). Write whatever you want, if it makes you happy. There, now I understand. I'm writing to make myself happy. The biggest surprise so far lol.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfillment and happyness :-)

  

Busy days.

   Things over the next few days are going to be busy. So not much time to post.
   Briefly though, things generally are starting to gel together like one of Ami's classroom experiments. For the first time in, I don't know how long. I'm letting solutions and ideas float to the surface naturally and not force them there. It's a bit like fencing off a bit of space to grow some grass, you have to keep off of it, water it and just let the stuff grow on it own. Where as previously I would of re-turfed and walked all over it without much care or thought.
   Now where are the keys ?
 
Onwards and upwards in pursuit of fulfillment and happyness :-) 

Being Stupid.

   I drove 50 miles yesterday to my job only to find I didn't have the key. So I drove 50 miles back home to get it and still couldn't find it. When I searched my bag on the front seat again I found it. 100 miles and 2 hours wasted. Or is it.
   Another nudge from whoever's looking out for me to check and double check things before I jump. I'm trying really hard not to get annoyed with myself over my stupidity which will serve no useful purpose but instead make it a marker. Something that in the future will save me hours of time, anguish and petrol. I made up some of the time and the key is somewhere safe ready for tomorrow.
   My date was fun. I'm really nosy, so asked lots of questions which made her a tad defensive but things  thawed out as the evening went on. No more dates on school nights though. Must put work first for a while at least.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfillment and happyness :-)        

Flirting !

   I so enjoy flirting but more about that later. I thought I'd be getting into the real meat and potatoes of my new regime tonight but it's formulating very slowly. Which is unusual for me and I'm not that bothered, which is very unusual for me.

   All the breakfast paraphernalia is out, things are tidy and my book, "Breakfast at Tiffany's" is here, ready to be read. Getting to sleep isn't a problem. If my mind is wandering I roll over and roll back and roll over till it stops. The roll over thing has been with me now, for a few months and I think it's bringing me a better quality of sleep. I like the physical action going with a thought. either to enhance something or to act as a block if it's not right.
   As I said at the beginning if I've got something on my mind I like to think it though there and then, which could and has meant something being on my mind for days. Where things are slightly different here is, as a solution hasn't formed I've been quite happy to push it to the back of my mind and look at it again later. Which throws up two questions. Has the thinking thing been a major contributor to my spell of the misery's? and now being happy to forget something for the moment mean I'm starting to allow "living in the moment" to be the norm ? Again I'm not going to expand or write any more on this. As I want to finish today's blog and get on with other things.
   Briefly flirting, I'm meeting someone tonight for a drink. Someone I've not met in person before but have spoken to on several occasions. Work has taken me down close to where she lives and I fancied the idea of some female company. So I asked for a date. I really miss female company, conversations between a woman and a man are different from those between women and women and men and men. Opening a door for someone, complimenting them on something, are all things I've sorely missed these last few months. So tonight this poor woman is going to get both barrels If I really was a gentleman I'd ring her and let her know the kind of hell she's going to be exposed to :-)

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfillment and happyness :-) 

Regime change !

   Well not strictly speaking. I'm just doing a bit of reorganizing. I know I get more done, if I stick to a plan. I also know I hate sticking to a plan. It takes the fun out of life and appears a tad anal. 

   However to finally push through and make something of the rest of my life I need to get into some good repetitive habits and loose a couple of bad ones. Now this isn't the first time I've tried this but the fact I'm writing about it would rather suggest it hasn't worked in the past. 

   As always most of my posts are written after a whirl around the web and this has been no different. However I haven't come up with anything that gives me the complete answer. Which while a little frustrating does lead me to believe I've hit on something. I don't intend to bore you with the whole plan. Which by the way isn't formed yet. What I have decided to do, is start the night before. So when I wake, there is already a small sense of achievement to kick start the day. I'll prepare my breakfast things (which I do most evenings) go to bed at a regular time (Sunday to Thursday nights will now be known as school nights) and read a little before I turn off my Disney night lite (only joking).

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfillment and happyness :-)

Random thoughts

I've swapped a few messages with Med since my last post and it seems we're both approaching things from a very similar direction. It's definately a more reassurring journey when you're sharing it. Particulary with someone who can come up with soluctions as well.

   While I promised myself not to think too much and focus on staying in the moment a couple of things did float by. So in no particular order. I remember as a kid, walking to school with a mate and saying,
"We're gonna be late,"
"What time is it then?"
"Ten to,"
"Then we're not late."
"But we won't get there in ten minutes."
"So lets worry about it when we're late then."
If only I'd learnt the lesson of living in the moment then :-)

   Pills, didn't make me better. They just gave me the space to get better. Which on reflection, I didn't do as much as I could of done. Like a bandage keeps a cut clean, so the body can work it's magic. The pills took the edge off the despair and I should of used that time to sort things out a little better than I did. To be fair to me, the Doc could of given me a bit more of a heads up at the time but then aren't I lucky to live somewhere where health care is free. So I'm nit-picking and I am where I am.

  My recent sojourn on the web to all things positive and looking at things from a different prospective. A positive prospective has seen a big leap forward.

  Nothing startling there, just some thoughts. I'm making no claim to having beaten anything either. I do feel however that I'm more knowledgeable than at anytime in the last few years. Enjoy your weekend.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfillment and happyness :-) 

A busy week at the bottom of the mountain

   It's been a busy week. I had hoped to wrap up a couple of loose ends and then start a new job on Wednesday. It hasn't gone according to plan but I guess being able to adapt is a key skill in overcoming hurdles.
   I'm making a real effort to just stick in the moment and not let my mind wander too much. Again it's not going to plan but I'm reining myself in and getting it bit by bit.
   The one cloud that does follow me is the knowledge that just to get to break even point in all areas is going to take an age. That's defeatist though isn't it. Every smile, every laugh, every pound/dollar is a step closer and deserves to be thought about and appreciated far more as it happens. Fuck the cloud.
   There isn't an unconquered mountain left in this World of ours. So I'll follow in the foot steps of those that conquered them.
   Thanks Pixie and Med :-)


Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of fulfillment and happyness :-)