Lists : I've been using lists for a while. In order to help with motivation and getting things done. Unfortunately it's hasn't really hit the spot. So I've started listing when I start a task and when I finish it, when I break etc etc. This seems to work for me. I have a little record of how many hours work I've actually done and how long it's taken me to do a particular job. Tangible evidence for me to see what I've actually done.
Age : For the very first time in my life, it's occurred to me that I might not succeed. My plans may not be fulfilled. I've always felt, I'd succeed. So even when things were bad that thought wasn't far away. At the time I thought this seemed to be a good thing, it showed even when things were awful, I had a positive outlook for the future. Was I not just using it as a place to hide and not face up to things?Now I'm not so sure, I have a doubt. Well surprise, surprise having a doubt is a plus. It's not going to happen unless I do something more than just think about it, is it !
Dating : Since the split with MissG I've dated a few times. I wasn't in any mad rush to find a replacement but I did want to get out, see a movie and kind of get a feel for where I fit (am I good company, desirable etc). Well it became apparent pretty quickly that there were more important and pressing matters in my life to solve before I need to date. Which again was a first. There's no way of avoiding the fact that what you do is what you are. In the process of meeting someone and swapping stories with them on who you and they are. Your working life crops up and I found myself painting a rosier career picture than the actual. Nothing outrageous or untrue and definitely not designed to lead someone to believe I'm something I'm not but it did make me realize where I actually am in terms of my career or lack of it. Works been slow over the last few months and instead of facing up to it I've buried it hoping that it will sort it's self out Again that's not going to happen is it !
One of my dates realized the same as me. As to whether dating was what they wanted or should be doing. So we got to a bit of 'in depth' chatting and along the way I found out, that I did indeed possess a few desirable qualities. We also talked about what our basic roles in life are. What general qualities a man and a women should have. This was a real eye opener for me and deserves a post all of it's own. So more on that another time.
Dealing with problems : I have a 'one size fits all' mentality to problems. Ignore them for as long as possible and then some more. Stupid I know and this really does need the ' It's not going to happen unless I do something more than just think about it' treatment.
After reading the above you'd think things were a bit glum in 'Spanner World' but you'd be wrong. Putting things off or ignoring it is something we all do to some extent. Being single and self employed I can and almost have, ignored everything as it only really seems to affect me but the last person I should be letting down is me. I could lets say, let down a new customer. The fallout wouldn't be that great would it? However each time I let me down I let everybody down. Family, friends and customers. So all the above is a little note to me, which in essence says, "I need to sharpen some of my life skills to allow myself to follow the route I'd like to take".
Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness and fulfillment :-)
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