Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Day 82. The green eyed monster.

Seems like everyday recently I've had to face up to another fact about my self. Some are good some not so good. Today it's jealousy and its dance partner insecurity. Got a severe pang of it while on the phone to someone and realised this is ever present at the moment. So a quick google and I've already found out, my jealousy is unfounded hence I have a big wedge of insecurity to deal with. Now it probably occurred to you ages ago but it's just dawning on me that my depression would appear to be several unrelated issues that orbit me 24/7 and very occasionally collide, like a bad storm and leave me in the dark place. So my self worth sticker has "final reduction" written right across it. A revaluation is called for. I'm going to tackle this two ways. First the amount of money I earn. At this moment in time I do need to up the income for several reasons that will become apparent in the coming days and weeks. The second is slightly more off the wall. Smiling. I'm going to smile at people and see how many smiles I get back. At the very least I'm sure I'll probably improve my smile with the practice. If it catches on I might have to devise a scoring system. Women I guess would return a smile more so than a man and getting a smile out of a kid with all the social taboos we have in this day and age would be a minor miracle. I'll let you know how things progress.
Onwards and upwards my phantom friends :-)

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