Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Prompted by a sad event.

On Sunday the manager of the Welsh National football team, committed suicide. He was 42 had a wife, two young children and so it would seem, a successful career. No details of why or how have been released. There has however been a huge sad response to his sudden death. I've felt low and unloved but never have I thought about suicide. Well maybe for 30 seconds but then I think about how that will effect my daughters lives and what about the person who finds me or has to tell my family. No, I may have lows but suicide!

So how messed up must your thinking be, to see suicide as an answer to your problems. The turmoil your mind must be going through. I realise how lucky I am not to be that deeply mired in depression. In fact mood wise I'm probably in the best shape I've been for a long time. Where I let myself down is letting things slip, find lame reason to avoid what needs to be done. I'm no longer true to the spirit of my blog. "What would Chris Gardner do." He would pick himself up and get on.

The whole idea of the blog was a secret diary to mark my march away from being down, from failing and learning to break that cycle. Instead it's become something else. Am I disappointed? yes. Am I down? no, I have to go back and start the journey again. The one plus and it is a small plus. I'm able to publicly admit I've let myself down. I no longer need people to like me. It would be nice but even nicer if it were earned by deeds done.

Onwards and upwards.

My thoughts are with the family and friends of Gary Speed

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