Wednesday, 14 December 2011


Yesterday I had a small job "on site." Normally all my work is domestic, peoples homes. Where they are the client. Sometimes though a bit of work comes my way, where I'm working for a contractor. So yesterday I pull up at a little office block in Stratford, East London. It's being refurbished and the contractor needed two radiators moved. So as I'm working on the ground floor and the heating system, while off is still full of water. I decide to freeze the two pipes I need to cut and the fit the new pipework. Now freeze either works or it doesn't and many's the time I have had to work through a day soaking wet because an ice plug failed.

Once when I was trying to take a faulty shower fitting off. I'd cut the pipe through and there was a quite pause then POP and water coming out of the wall at pressure. Now being smart. I'd closed the shower cubicle door just in case such an event would happen. What I'd failed to realise was that if the said pipe burst the enclosed cubicle would allow the water to just bounce back. It didn't take more than a few seconds to fit a cap to the pipe but I was completely soaked. The house was empty. Client at work, kids at school. So as I dripped around the house I found the tumble drier. Eureka, without a moments hesitation off came my clothes and with the sound of jeans, tee and sweat shirts tumbling away I set about my work clad only in tool belt, my calvins and work boots. After about ten minutes of wandering around looking like an extra from a porn film. It dawned on me what if someone comes home? maybe time to check the progress of the tumble drier. As I past the kitchen window I looked out just as the lady next door looks in, staring at a bare chested man in her neighbours house. What to do? I wave my spanner in the air smile and give her a wink. Then quickly pass on. I've never been back to that client. half of me believes it's because of the superior work I carried out. The other half believes it due to the neighbour telling the client about what their deviant plumber gets up to when they are at work.

Anyway back to East London. I get everything ready. strap on the freezing kit let it set and start to cut. As the wheel cuts the pipe water starts to come through. Nothing for it than to go on and get the pipe changed as quickly as possible. As the water is flowing and I'm fighting to get the pipe on a collection of various tradesmen have gathered to gee me on with words of encouragement and derision. Once the pipe has been fitted a round of applause breaks out and with the entertainment over the crowd disperses. While I ring out the various cloths and rags and dry up as much of the water as I can, my mind turns to the second pipe. After twenty minutes or so I'm ready to tackle pipe number two. As I climb the steps and as if by magic the crowd reappears. One of them has managed to find an umbrella to further add to the joviality. Needless to say the freezing failed a second time much to their joy. "Your getting wet plum" "is that the way your supposed to do it then" etc etc.

I'm going to stick to domestics in future. Better a porn star than a figure of fun.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness :-)  


  1. I got the giggles reading this. You know, I think this should be a part of the service: Naked Plumber, and all that. I think it would work. ;-) P

  2. Pixie, a naked plumber service. If colleagues and I are anything to go by is something the World isn't quite ready for. But I'll bare it in mind

  3. I can't stand people watching over me whilst I work! So the crowd you had today is nothing short of a nightmare. What a bunch of t*****s. Personally i never comment on other trades' work, totally unprofessional. Commiserations at draw this evening by the way.

  4. Sorry, I realise that may have come across as insensitive, which I didn't mean. I wasn't laughing at you feeling humiliated, I was laughing at how you write your tales. You have a way of writing which makes me chuckle. I hope you realised that, Spanner.

    As for the other tradesman - well, at least you have work. They seem to have eff all else to do. Don't make much standing around making fun of people. It doesn't pay well, that one. ;-)

  5. Laugh away Pixie I'm trying to put a funny twist on it all. I seem better able to deal with it all. As for the other trades watching on, it's all part of life on site. Once you get to know them other work flows in (if you'll forgive the pun) and when things really go tits up it's amazing how helpful some of these guys turn out to be. As Med touched on customers watching is uncomfortable though lol.
    Onwards and upwards :-)

  6. Waiting for the next post......