Sunday, 25 December 2011

Spanners Christmas Tale, part II.

So great, great, great, great, great Grandfather Wrench set to work. he bent pipes, he twisted pipes had servants collect many pails of water from the Royal Moat. Hammered and banged, banged and hammered. Took tea and fag breaks and finally did utter.
"Job done mate!"
The court did gather round and examined Master Wrench's work. They ummed and arred until his Royal Smelliness turned up.
"So Master Wrench this will make me irresistible to Princesses?"
"It will sire".
"What doth one do, Master Wrench"
"Err if his Princeliness would step inside and pulleth the blue cord."
The pongo Prince followed Wrench's instructions, all could hear the sound of bubbles, followed by hissing. Then silence ......................................................  ....................................... wooosh his stinkiness was floored as a great torrent of water hit him from all directions. The court gasped. Then more water, followed by bubbles.
"The red cord please your dampness."
The Prince grabbed the red cord and tried to get to his feet. Just as he was regaining his balance brushes came from all sides and knocked him flat. Soon the Prince was just a giant collection of bubbles. Being pushed from one side to the other as the brushes did their work. Wrench grabbed the gold cord and pulled. The brushes retracted, cold water washed the bubbles away and a giant fan whirled from above.
The Court were stunned, horrified. Some even checked the terms and conditions on their contracts of employment, to see if they could be sacked over this affair. Then the mood changed. You could see the twitching of noses, the raising of eyebrows. The Prince, still shaken.Rose to his feet. He pointed at Wrench and just as he was about to speak the whole Court burst into applause. Open mouthed the pong-less Prince turned to look at his court and his nose began to twitch as well.

What happened next is now Fuldovian folklore. The Prince attended a Grand Ball that evening and met a Princess. Their's was a whirlwind romance, they signed a prenup and Hello magazine covered the wedding. They adopted a child from the Far Eastovia and stared in a reality show.

Once the Prince and his new Princess arrived back from their tour of the kingdom. His cleanliness summoned Wrench and his family to the Palace.They were ushered into the Great Hall and stood before his Shininess.
"Good day Master Wrench, I have summoned you here to complete our transaction as promised. Step forward and make your request?"
Wrench stepped forward, looked back at his children, dressed in rags. His once beautiful wife now underfed    and looking tired. Then turned to the Prince and said,
"you couldn't get me a couple of tickets to the Cup Final could you?"

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