Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Day 306. Facing up to what scares me!

Do you remember the other day when I owned up to putting off difficult or unusual tasks. Well today I faced up to one and will have to face it everyday for the next two or three weeks. I have to say that this has come at the right time. I'm feeling pretty strong mentally and so want to move forward.

Went back to my old home to go through some paperwork and move a few things. It's odd being their. It's comfortable. There are lots of reminders of happier times. My daughters are there and the ex and I chatted about things that need doing (decorating) over a cup of tea. I miss the security, it's been my home for the last 20 odd years and most of the big events of my life have happened while I've been there. My bed was very comfortable too. I miss that :~) Enough of this walk down memory lane. It's in the past now. Although I don't feel it? Maybe I need to face up to this? so I can put all my efforts into making the here and now the beginning of a new and happy life??????????

I don't want to end today's entry on a low and thinking about what I've left behind is making me feel a bit down. So what to do?

Right I know. I'll tell you about my dreams for the future. Now normally this would involve me talking about my pile of stones that looks like a cottage in Brittany France. Today however it's a different dream. This one is set in the not too distant future. It is, to be on-time with all my payments and out goings. It's to have food in the cupboard. Go to the gym regularly. My daughters dropping by occasionally and nice white fresh sheets on my bed. How much of this do you take for granted and not think about.? I used to. Now here I am writing these things down as a goal! Oh and it would be nice to see abit more of MissG as well.

Our relationship is developing nicely. Trust, desire, security and a warmth that exists around us when we are together. Plus a physical relationship which never existed in my long marriage. I cannot stress to you how important being desired and desiring someone is to me. It is starting to be a big plus factor in giving me and building my confidence. I haven't given this much thought till now. Is this significant? does this signal another little change in my makeup? A move in the right direction? Too many questions to ponder over tonight but before I go lets choose a star of the day.

My Star Person of the day is the French writer Colette.

Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette (1873 – 1954).

Colette's writing explored the struggle between independent identity and passionate love.

She was a controversial figure. On one hand her private life was scandalous and very public and on the other she took great personal risks. During the German occupation of France during World War II she aided her Jewish friends, including hiding her husband in her attic all through the War. She was awarded the Legion d'honneur and was the first woman in France to be given a State Funeral. She wasn't a saint by any means but she certainly lived a full life and wrote about it.

Onwards and upwards :~)

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