So here I sit on a Sunday morning. Editing my review of the week. I'm glad I change how I go about the blog. As this week has been the culmination of bad events and poor judgement but as I've just focused on extracting the positives. It's allowing me to sit here and feel a little inspired by the man who is coming kicking and screaming through the wreckage. Me.
I shall update my profile later today so it better reflects who I am now. I'm also tinkering with the idea of changing the name of the blog. I don't want depression to be the all important part of my life or blog. I want something that better expresses who I am and where I'm aiming to be.
More thoughts on Self Worth.
I had to do a quote on Thursday evening. It was in Central London so instead of driving in I took the tube and a book. On the way back, there was a guy standing near me. Tall, slim, fit, nicely tanned and about my age. I thought I'd like to look like that. Anyway when the train came in and we got on I was standing next to him, both of us holding on to the rail. First thing I noticed was we both were the same colour (tan wise) and if anything I was a bit taller. I'll admit he was in slightly better shape but not much. So surprise, surprise I'm almost the person I'd like to be, on the outside at least. I can't believe the image in my head is so out of sync with the real thing (+1). Don't get me wrong I'm no George Clooney, I have the kind of good looks that are best suited to Radio.
MissG broke up with me this week. In part (a large part) because I'm a failure (financially). It hurts to admit it but it's true. Overall I haven't done badly and have good skills but I have let myself down over the years and let opportunities slide. She isn't being unreasonable either. At our age (maybe any age) I think a woman has a deep-seated need to feel a man can protect and look after her. MissG doesn't expect a free ride or need to be looked after. Far from it, she's a very independent woman who brought up three children successfully on her own while working and getting additional qualifications on the way. I guess what's spooked her is the fear I may talk the talk but can't walk the walk as her ex did.
My task, is to turn the pain I feel into actions, be it a gesture or a letter of my love with the intent to win her back. I also need to get my life generally back on track.
This road I'm on, sometimes chosen, sometimes stumbled upon is the only road my life is destined to follow. Do I just follow it blindly or do I ask the way or buy a map. Doesn't need a rocket scientist to work that one out, lol.
Onwards and Upwards in the Pursuit of Happyness :-)