If I put aside the blue stuff I'm trying to work through and just look at how I've got by and lived for the past year I really haven't done too badly. I've gone from a family man (all be it a sad one) to a single man. From a man who never smiled to one that does, albeit not as often as I should. Now I really hate being on my own and knew this before the split but I guess I was unconsciously willing to accept that in the short term. For what hopefully, could be achieved long term. Well things have well and truly been turned upside down in the last few weeks. I thought I had found that long term happiness but alas.....................................
........Actually I'm not quite ready to role over and surrender. I'm not about to give up on this relationship just yet. For the moment I've lost the battle. I suppose the sensible thing to do would be get over it and move on but if I was sensible. I'd still be married, slightly over weight and miserable. Wouldn't I. So I'm going to go with my gut feeling and fight on.
I need to carry on with all the things I've been trying to do to fix and repair myself and make sure I'm "fit for purpose". Then, whenever then is! I shall don my new shiny armour and take to the field once again. Deluded, well maybe a bit but don't forget I support Fulham and delusion gets delivered with your season ticket. We are all extraordinary people capable of extraordinary feats. I've found my feat. Now to grow the extraordinary bit.
Another nocturnal visit to the gym and surprise surprise. I've lost a bit more weight. I'm now 212lb.This of all my blogs has been the most satisfying and fun to write.
Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness :-)
Ps. Now I don't want you to run away with the idea that all is wonderful with team Spanner. Those times before I fall asleep and just after I wake are tough but they would be for anybody getting over the end of a relationship. I do sleep well and there's porridge for breakfast so it's not all bad.
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