Thursday, 21 July 2011

Day 463+11

  Waking up is probably the worst part of my day at the moment. My first thoughts are of MissG. I check the phone for messages. Even though the little red light isn't blinking I still open the phone to check. How sad! It does however get me out of bed, there is little point in dwelling on something I can do nothing about at the moment. Fortunately there's always something I can find to do at this time in the morning  I'll call it an "sp" (sad plus).
  I didn't feel 100% so stayed in and straightened the flat. Once things looked tidier I felt the urge to go out and do a bit of work (urge is probably too strong a word but hey I'm trying to be positive).
  Anyway after work I went back to my old home to see the other big love of my life, my ex. We discussed whether to sell the house and how that will affect all of us. We'd both prefer to keep it. So much love and effort went into that house and garden and it's the only home our two daughters have ever known. However It's putting me in a really tough spot financially.
  My ex has some savings which she's going to withdraw so we can settle some short term debt. This will allow us a few months to see if we can refinance. Which hopefully will allow me to put a deposit down on a flat and feel more secure. I've made a huge effort to keep the upheaval of our split to a minimum but I'm incredibly touched by the kindness she has shown towards me lately. Our split is permanent, there is no chance of us getting back together. No one else was involved, we just had some fundamental differences which didn't change over the 25 years we were married so won't now. Again it's a plus, albeit another "sp" but I'm very lucky that she's still around and plays apart in my life.
  So there you have it. Emotionally a sad day but there were on balance more good things there than bad.

Onwards and upwards in the pursuit of happyness :-)


  1. Hey Spanner, what a reflective post... remember that link I posted you about the website? It is all part of the flow... getting all refelctive shows you are in the flow and moving with it in a good way... not getting stuck along the way. You are healing, I can see that from where I'm sitting although I appreciate it probably doesn't always feel that way to you. Hang in there buddy. Med

  2. I agree Med. It was a sad day but it didn't pull me down like it would of done before. I'm determinded to stay in the here and now and keep positive in any situation :-)